Reply to Vent: My son unintentionally shamed my brother, who then "told on me" to our parents

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Reply to "Vent: My son unintentionally shamed my brother, who then "told on me" to our parents"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What 7 year old is that curious about what an adult does?[/quote]

Kids are curious. They ask questions and (some) careers are interesting. The brother said he was exhausted. A reasonable follow-up question is "why." Surely you're met children whose favorite word is "why." What on earth is brother exhausted from? Nothing. That's why the child probed further. He was being gaslighted by a liar. [/quote]

Nothing? Does it seem glaringly obvious that there is some [b]depression or other health issue at play[/b]? Is it really that hard to connect the dots? And letting a nosy kid ask why? why? why? Again and again is in really bad taste. OP may secretly agree with her kid but that doesn't make it ok to be rude and obnoxious. People defending this behavior are the same people who probably flip out if their parents ask them if/when they will have grandchildren. Or get married. Or do anything else in life.[/quote]

People in healthy families do not get it. In healthy families, if someone has an issue, the parents bring in help and go about the proper series of events (psychologists, doctors, filing for disability, set up a trust.)

In families like mine, and I suspect in OPs, the brother's behavior is the result of deep dysfunction within the family, starting with the parents. The parents enable dependency for some reason of their own. They don't bring in help, they don't tell doctors, they don't get a diagnosis, they don't file for disability. They don't ask the adult child to take on any responsibilities in the house (which is what a psychologist would recommend for that kind of personality disorder). They don't make plans for the adult child after their death. They have denial of there being any problem, because admitting the problem is too painful.

OP, being the "normal" sibling in this scenario is very painful. I get it. I no longer talk to people from healthy families about this because they truly don't get it and are often disturbed. I talk to a therapist and one good friend who has the same situation. [/quote]

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