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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Jesus Christ is your mil allowed to talk to her own son when you aren’t in the room.

She was his mother for many years before you were his wife.

She didn’t cease to be his mother when you married him. She is allowed to show care for her own son in any way she damn well pleases.[/quote]

About her aches and pains, social group, senior breakfasts? sure.

About me? No.

Trash-talking someone's spouse isn't care for them. It's catty betch bs. No excuses.[/quote]

Nobody “trashed” op.  The MIL just told her son he looked tired.  He has a four month old, of course he is tired, but old people are so far removed from that experience they don’t really remember HOW tired a person gets with a baby, especially their first baby.

I remember my parents’ commentary was definitely clueless and less than helpful pretty much always.  In fact, my kids are entering tween/teen years and my parents are still offering really annoying, unhelpful commentary and manufacturing problems that don’t actually exist.  I let it roll off my back because they’re just words from clueless people who still love us.

And nothing about asking about someone’s tiredness implicates OP or a lack of care for OP.  OP is making that assumption.

Guess what, if you lack grace and empathy you are always going to have trouble in relationships, especially complex relationships.  There is a lot of ground between MIL considering someone an “incubator” (OP’s word) and simply understanding that yes, your MIL is always going to love their own baby more than they love you, but that doesn’t mean they don’t love you or care about you.  I loved my MIL  but I didn’t expect really anything from her.  I knew she loved DH and my kids more than me because duh of course she does.  If she said something dumb I let it slide because I, a fellow human, also say dumb things sometimes.  This facilitated a happy relationship.  OP sounds exhausting, sorry OP.
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OP here. Absolutely of course she is going to care more about her own son than me. But that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t check on me at all.

The woman is the one (not the man) who goes through the brunt of the issues during pregnancy and child birth. Not once did she ask about me. I think there is a fine line between treating me exactly like her son and not asking at all about me.
[b]
She could have asked is there anything you need from me. Brought over  meal to help us out anything but she did and said nothing.[/b]

The incubator comment means that you are seen as nothing more than a person to produce and provide grand babies for you which is the way mil was acting because once the pregnancy got risky she didn’t ask about me the actual human carrying the child but she damn well was worried her grandchild couldn’t make it. So she can care about her son, grandchild, but not her DIL? Why because I’m not blood related?

Hence me being seen as an incubator. My pain and mental and physical anguish didn’t matter as long as that baby and her son were healthy.

But her son seems a little tired and she needs to suddenly inquire about it. I was tired to that day and in a lot of pain but she didn’t give two shits.

There has to be a middle ground. I don’t expect to be in the ladies inheritance but I think the least a mil can do is reach out to her DIl to ask how she is feeling and offer to help in a way that benefits BOTH her son and DIL. Without the DIl there would be no grandchild to speak of.[/quote]

How sexist of you!

Why is that her job?

You told your mom to stay home that you and DH have everything under control,so who would she be making meals?

Hmm.

And how do you know she didn't ask?

Maybe she ask your DH about hi and he said not to bother you.

Hmm?

You seem hell bent on turning her into some monster for no good reason.

Perhaps it's because being a mom is harder than you expected b but rather than admit that and ask for help. You lash out.

Anger is easier for you than vulnerable

Hmm. How about you call.mil and say I could really use some hey especially with my own mom far away.

Try humility

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