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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP you need to understand and accept that 9 out of 10 MILs only care about their child, and care about their spouses only inasmuch as they add value to their children’s lives.
It’s just the way it is.
Don’t expect your MIL to care even if she is polite enough to ask you how you are etc 
That’s why she is trying to assess the situation FOR HER SON and maybe her grandchild, and do so without you standing in the way and blocking the airwaves so to speak.
Use your own parents for comfort! Stop expecting it from ILs!
Signed,
-someone who has been burned [/quote]

This may be all well and true. And as multiple pp have declared, a MIL can say whatever she wants to her son anytime she has the opportunity to communicate with him. The thing that so many posters seem to be missing is that depending on what and how she chooses to communicate, she might cause her DIL to decide that she cannot stand her. Whether it’s morally sound for the DIL to act on that feeling is irrelevant. If you want to have a good and close relationship with your adult son and grandchildren, MILs would be wise to treat their DILs with all the kindness and respect in the world. Many DILs will shove their feelings to the side and allow access to her kids, but many will NOT. Why is it so hard to be compassionate, kind and loving toward the life partner of your adult kids?? You are a complete fool to be anything less.

The fact is that DILs (particularly those with children) have all the power and all of the leverage. They are usually the gate keepers to their kids. Unkind MILs, on the other hand, literally have NOTHING a DIL wants. Unkind, meddling and gossiping MILs have to be some of the dumbest people on the planet.[/quote]

Unless your marriage is airtight, and OPs certainly isn't, the DILs power is fleeting. And OP already couldn't stand her MIL because she didn't get pampered enough in pregnancy. [/quote]

Why would you assume DILs in general not talking about op here relationship with her husband is fleeting but not her son’s relationship with his mother. I find the marital relationship the stronger and more important one.

I see most sons putting their wives first and if their mother is unkind to their wife the mother is the one to lose out not the wife.

So again yes the mil had a lot more to lose than the DIl.

If you think your husbands relationship with his mom is stronger or more important than his relationship with you as his wife than you picked the wrong husband because if you picked the right husband you wouldn’t even have to question where you stand[/quote]

Im not threatened by conversations my husband has with his mom, I don’t even know what they talk about on the phone when then catch up. If you are threatened and tantrumming over a question about being tired you have major issues in your marriage. You probably shouldn’t be giving out marital advice if you think the way OP thinks.[/quote]

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