Reply to Giving up on Gentle Parenting

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]And what if you don’t have anyone to give you a break? Like millions of parents?

It’s not my situation but it’s the reality for many. I’d say it’s the norm.

So we can do this exhausting dance of parenting or we can the time out. Timeout all the way. [/quote]

Yes, and this is why a lot of parents hit their kids or scream at them to get them to comply with behavioral expectations. Because they are stretched too thin, have no support, and have no idea what else to do.

Also I don't know where you guys are getting that time outs are against gentle parenting. Gentle parenting would frown on yelling at a kid "go to your room!" after misbehavior. But a parent saying "[b]okay I can see you are struggling not to hit right now[/b], I'm going to put you in your room where you can't hurt anyone until you are ready to stop hitting" would be in line with gentle parenting.[/quote]

Even my kids would roll their eyes at this drivel.  If your kid has any sort of a brain in their head get ready for a wild ride in their teenage years - they think (know) you’re a joke.[/quote]

Seriously. I have to imagine the percentage of kids that this crap is effective with is very very low. Kudos if you have that kid, but most of us don’t. [/quote]

A comment like that is for a 2 or 3 year old, genius. It sounds facile because it's meant to explain what is happening to a child do you g they genuinely have no idea what is happening.

This is very standard parenting advice for toddlers. Of course a 13 year old would roll their eyes at it. That doesn't mean it doesn't work on very young kids (it does, I did it).[/quote]

Ha!  You clearly never met my (now 13 year old) kid when he was 2 or 3.  He would certainly have viewed a comment like this as an invitation to walk all over me.  (Rightly so, IMO)

His younger siblings would never have heard such a comment because neither of them ever “struggled to not hit” in the first place.  I guess that means my way works even better.[/quote]

Same here. My 3 yo DS was tough. He probably would have laughed at “I see you are struggling to not hit”. Such ridiculousness. [/quote]

The point is just to make sure you connect the consequence to the action. So it’s not quite: you hit and now I am mad and punishing you. It’s more: you hit and this is the support I’m imposing on you to help you stop doing it. We’re sort of like their annoying boss. It’s all a personal improvement plan.

The difference is small but I swear it works on my preschool kid. I think the main thing is it helps her see me as still her ally in some important way even when I’m laying down the parenting law. She doesn’t always avail herself of having an ally, but sometimes she does.

I also swear that describing her feelings was MAGIC in the barely verbal phase. Sometimes kids really do need to feel heard. Saying “wow you’re really mad that your stick broke” feels awkward but a lot of times it really helped. [/quote]

Listen, I am truly glad that your parenting technique is working out so well for you and and your child.

However, what I and some other posters are commenting on is your “struggle” to avoid sanctimoniousness based on your apparent “success” with your sample size of one.  We are trying to help you understand that all children are different, and your gentle style will certainly not be effective on all of them.  (Probably not even most of them.) And it is quite likely that if you have a child for whom this strategy “works” you could probably use almost any parenting strategy with that child and have it “work” (because you have an easy child).  I’m happy for you, but you’re not God’s gift to parenting.  [/quote]

Well, I didn’t say any of that. I just said that gentle parenting can work well. Maybe my kid would also be fine with spankings and time outs but that equally wouldn’t work on all kids. There’s no reason to be so nasty. [/quote]

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