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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am so curious about all of this. My SLAC also had no Greek life so I’m reading the thread trying to understand.

What is the promise, and the potential payoff, of this process? It seems like a ton of stress, and (as PPs have observed) it hands a great deal of power over one’s happiness to other people. Can someone with sorority experience articulate why it’s all (potentially) worthwhile?

The question is genuine, and I promise I won’t respond with judgement (though obviously I can’t promise that for everyone here). [/quote]

First of all the only reason the rush process is "stressful" and kids end up "devastated" is because they want to be in the most popular sororities and, newsflash, the popular sororities cannot add everyone because everyone has a max quota. There are 14 sororities at UVA and about 1000 girls rushed. If everyone stayed in the process, they would all have found a home today. Very few people are cut out of the process entirely (literally probably a handful) and that is generally for rush infractions or poor behavior.  One girl I know who was dropped from rush went into every house she didn't want saying "I am just here because they force me to be. I hate (XYZ sorority)". Guess what, you do that? You're not getting in anywhere. The reason there is so much heartbreak amongst rushees is that they are cut from what they perceive to be the popular houses. If they were more open minded, they'd be fine and find their people. It's just that teenagers/young adults weigh this popularity way too much. You can't change teenagers unfortunately and it's been like this forever.

If they are open minded, and truly happy to go where they are accepted and give those girls a chance, they will likely have a good experience. Once in a sorority, at UVA, each house is about 150+ - sisters so a whole new group of people to get to know. Ideally everyone is inclusive, has your back, supports you, all the while maintaining a fun social calendar that adds to your UVA experience. My DD is on the executive board of her sorority and it's a very big responsibility that she will put on her resume. She has a very strong and broad friend group and is never lonely.

So many kids when they come to UVA have trouble finding their tribe. This is a way to instantly go from maybe feeling a little uncertain with 1-2 close friends, to having 200 friends when you include the new pledge class into the houses size.  I will say, my DD had a great hall first year and had tons of wonderful friends. They all ended up pledging different sororities and she is still friends with them and also has this entire big group of people added to that, who can help her with things like, mentoring, job search, someone to sit with in class and do work with. She can go over to the house at any time and hang out. You may say, "oh right she's paying for friends", but that is not it. Yes she is paying to be in the sorority (it is not a big expense in reality) but it's about broadening her experience at UVA in every way.

I often talk to her on the phone when she's walking to class in the morning. The entire time she's saying "hi" or "Hey" LOL to dozens of people as she walks and we talk. Every weekend she has plans. Every class she has someone to sit with. Every spring break, she has a group to go on a trip with. Every rush, she has the opportunity to meet more people. She often tells me "oh I know everyone" and I swear it seems like she does even at a school with what 15K undergrads?! I'd much rather that be her experience than feeling like she doesn't fit anywhere and being sad. Yes rush was awful for her at first as she was dropped from 90% of the places she wanted, but all along she liked this one sorority, that no other of her friends was interested in, and she ended up there. Knew absolutely no one on bid day. Was a bit sad about that actually. Make one friend in her pledge class, made another couple later in the week, and so on. Eventually had a solid and large group that she could rely on while pledging and beyond. It was alot of fun in retrospect for her and now she shares that advice with anyone who asks. Keep an open mind, keep going through the process and get to know the other options. You may find you like it, and even if it's not a "popular" option, give it a try!

I was also in a sorority at a very greek dominated school and I can't even imagine what it would have been like if I hadn't joined. Those girls are the ones who were in my wedding and still talk now, some 30 years later., even though we are geographically dispersed.

Thanks for listening haha. You asked!

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