Reply to What is it with people given childless couples unsolicited fertility advice?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t think people should give unsolicited advice about this. It will be interpreted as rude and people are going to do what they want to do, the advice is not helpful.

I also think OP needs to be honest with herself that she doesn’t want kids. Unless you have real plans to increase income and an actual intention in place you are going to be exactly where you are now in a few years, and you still will not feel financially able. if you are not taking the financial piece seriously then you are not taking the child piece seriously.

I think in telling people you want kids they assume you want kids even though there is a substantial financial sacrifice. This is why they focus on the fertility piece, since that will likely be an issue.

[/quote]

I'm honest with myself. I want children, but not if my situation doesn't get better as we want to maintain a certain standard of living. Not everything is black and white. We've been trying to increase our income and we suceeded to some point, but we've boyh hit a ceiling and [b]would have to get a loan to go back to school. At least one of us, which would cut our income even more for the next a few years. I also want to travel thd world, but i'm not willing to do it under our current circimstances which is also the case with kids.[/b] I'm not sure how any of these gives people any right to lecture me about my fertiloty when they don't even know I want kids. The people I'm talking about are acquaintances not friends. [/quote]

This is tough because you are older. You are talking like you are a decade younger and still kind of planning out what adult life will look like (maybe grad school, traveling, kids). In the here and now you don’t want kids. It might be clearer if you tell nosey people this straight out.

“Yes, eventually” invites the fertility conversation at your age. Skip it, for your sake.[/quote]

I'm not planning travelling, just that i would love to if I had the money. Going to school is what we would need to do to increase our income. We're not planning to go there because we can't afford not working full time as our jobs aren't flexible. Is not that I don't want kids, is that realistically we can't have them without taking a financial plunge. Many of the things that seem an option to many are not an option to us.[/quote]

I think you are intelligent and brave for thinking through things and not succumbing to social pressure. Having kids is not a decision to take lightly. Too many kids are raised by parents who should not have been parents, and they will suffer for it all their lives.[/quote]

OP here. Thanks. I don't think I'm brave, quite the contrary. I grew up in poverty and spent much of my adult life living paycheck to paycheck due to unreliable scheduling (i had to work retail since I was around 18 because parents couldn't support us). I managed to get a few promotions, but the thought of having a child and going back to living paycheck to paycheck scares me a lot.[/quote]

Why are grownup adults working in retail? [/quote]

Because going to school is expensive and retail is available without schooling. What do you do for living?[/quote]

Pp is a dick. If you’ve ever gone shopping you are well aware adults work retail. [/quote]

Of course adults work retail, but why would someone still be there after 25?[/quote]

Because well paid jobs require training and experience that you're very unlikely to get in retail. If you have nobody to pay your bills while you're taking time off retail to go to school you'll be unlikely to cover your monthly expenses. If that's the case, working your way up might be your best best.

OP implied she makes a bit less than 60k i think. That means she's probably a manager of some sort. She makes as much as many university careers and probably has no student loans.[/quote]

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