Reply to DC shut out from all but one, now wants a gap year

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP reporting back. DH and I declared a family emergency, canceled all of our meetings and had DS stay home from school so we could talk all of this through calmly and slowly. I’m very glad we did.

Things we learned today that we didn’t know before: 1) DS has actually thinking about this for a while, and was steeling himself to make the pitch no matter where he did or didn’t get in to school. Having his choices narrowed so dramatically made it an easier call, but it sounds like we may have been having this conversation no matter what. 2) The reason: DS does not have doubts about going to college, but in the short term what he wants even more is real time with his grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins. We knew that DS missed them all terribly during the pandemic, just as DH and I did — but we just didn’t realize he felt it quite this keenly. He said that there’s a lot of different ways he can go to college, but his grandparents are alive and healthy right now and they really need his help right now. Put those two things together and DS sees spending the next year with them as the time-sensitive, once in a lifetime opportunity he puts more value on.

All of the college planning questions remain, of course, and I am extremely grateful to all of who you raised so many good points/questions that I would never have thought of. We’ve been in touch with DS’s college counselor at school, and she is going to make a referral for us to a private consultant she thinks will be able to help us make a plan. DS’s grades and extra-curricular are actually ending on a high note so he will have that going for him into next year’s cycle.

As for DH and I: I am still in shock, to a degree, but DH is already essentially recovered and even making jokes about how at least now we have an extra year and a third full-time income to help save for college! And I will say this: I may be worried about DS, but I honestly kind of admire him, too. I don’t think my own values were this well and strongly formed at this age. In fact, I know they weren’t. I guess sometimes we raise them, and sometimes they raise us.[/quote]

OP - so glad you could talk this through and better understand where he's coming from. This all sounds like a great plan BUT I'd still say defer at the current school so that he always has the option of being in the same place next year (in terms of college options) as he is today....but also maybe better if next year's applications pan out differently. There's no doubt he'll be in a better place next year emotionally, having filled his bucket. I'm sure he will learn a lot in the next year. Time with family is precious but also eye opening. Best of luck.
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