Reply to The Research on Various Childcare Options

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Reply to "The Research on Various Childcare Options"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I wish this issue wasn't so polarizing. I don't think the PP was saying "why have a baby if you don't want to SAH?" Or at least that's not how I read it.

Rather, I think sometimes it IS sad how disinterested parents (not just moms, but parents) are in spending more 1:1 time with their babies. I think it's sad because we've structured that phase of parenthood to be miserable and feel "wrong" so that people get anxious to "return to normal". But I do actually think there is something profound about caring for an infant and learning to adopt a different pace of life with a very different set of goals and parameters.

I'm a pretty career oriented person who wound up taking an extended maternity leave somewhat by accident. I was happy to return to work. But I loved my time with my baby. It's not just that I loved my baby (though I did and do) but it was such a refreshing change of pace. During that time, life got stripped down to essentials. Goals were things like "feeding myself and the baby" or "resting" or "spending some time outside." I took walks. I read books. I went to museums and went out for coffee. My schedule was dictated by naps and feedings. I know some people find this confining. For me it was like spending 8 months at some kind of mindfulness retreat where I had to learn how slow down, calm down, appreciate the present moment for what it was. As someone who is generally super goal oriented and has worked in very high stress environments, I found it cathartic and meaningful. It changed me in a profound way. What I learned is that it's okay to just be. I still carry these lessons with me, even though I'm not a SAHM.

I'm sorry to be the weirdo Pollyanna who is like "but staying home with my baby taught me to live in the now" but... it actually did. I think it would be nice if more parents (men and women) got the chance to experience that. I think we often portray life at home with a baby as lonely, miserable, and unfulfilling. I don't think it has to be that. Perhaps I was primed to view it differently because I wound up unexpectedly unemployed during that time, instead of just on a break from my job. But it wound up being a magical time for me that I would never in a million years give back. And not just because it was time with my baby. Because it was time with me. Now that I'm back at work and my child can talk and interact with me, getting to just spend time with myself is rare. I'm glad I got a bunch of it back then.[/quote]

It’s polarizing because some people look out on the wide vistas of difficulty and criticism that women— and it’s women, regardless of your “parents”— get and think to themselves the best use of their time is to crap on them and their choices some more, as is if you and any of the hand wringers and concern trolls and worriers about how “irresponsible” day care is have one second of care about the best interests of other people's children.

You just want to crap on other women because you think they feel guilty. It’s tedious, it’s counterproductive and most damming it’s boring. Get a hobby. [/quote]

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