Reply to Marriage is a horrible deal for women

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t understand why anyone gets worked up over the idea that an institution designed by men, for the benefit of men, is not magically equally good for women. Why would we expect it to be?[/quote]

I'm struggling to see how modern marriage is good for men in any way?  What do men get out of it?  It seems very beneficial for women though.  They get legal access to husband's income, which is usually higher than theirs.  [/quote]

You have ADHD probably - this thread specifically describes how it’s more beneficial for men, when both spouses work. Even when the wife SAH she only gets access to husbands income as long as marriage lasts. And then she’s left with years of missed earnings and no own earning capacity [/quote]

Maybe he/she read the thread and doesn't agree with the unsupported and irrational arguments for why men supposedly disproportionately benefit. Some of the reasons given:

1. Women give men children that men would otherwise have to pay for. A bizarre argument that suggests (a) women don't also want the child, (b) men are all that interested in having children, (c) men cannot have offspring without marriage, and (d) men don't have to pay for children regardless of marital status.

2. Women perform more unpaid labor at home. This assumes that married women work equal amounts outside of the home, which is not true in the data. And it assumes that a lot of the labor isn't unnecessary in the eyes of most men (e.g., much of the nesting at home).

3. Women are only having an equal match if a man makes much more money. Around these parts, it is usually the case that men make more money, which means that women get a financial benefit regardless and men stand to lose more in divorce.

4. Men get "access to sex" more as a married person. That is not true among well educated and high earning men, which is most of the demographic around here. I don't think there is a single man ever who has gotten married because he wanted more sex, and if there is such a man, he is an idiot.

It is so weird that women on this board are either posting threads about how they want to figure out how to lock down some guy in marriage, or a thread about how marriage is so terrible. I don't think I've ever seen a thread on here about a man trying to lock down a woman in marriage. Revealed preferences says more about women's attitudes about marriage than any of the harping in these threads.[/quote]

The unnecessary housework thing is such a great point.  Husbands do not care about so much of what women do around the house.  I lived for many years without making the bed every morning, or baking cookies, or decorating for every holiday.  [/quote]

Women DO do more work around the house than men but you are right that some of that work is necessary only in the eyes of the woman.  If she stops doing it, the husband wouldn't miss it for a second.  It's OK to admit that you are doing these things to fit YOUR picture of how things ought to be done.  I've lived quite happily without writing thank you notes (you can thank someone when they hand you the gift), putting together goody bags (? what a strange concept, being invited to a party is goody enough!), or having venue based parties. On the other hand, I happily spend hours on landscaping because it makes ME happy.  If there was not a single flower in the garden, DH wouldn't care. I do it for my own pleasure so why would I hold it up as a symbol of oppression? [/quote]

Women here who were unhappy are talking about vomit, cat toilets, trees that fall on house after husband prohibits spending money on removing it, running toilets, dirty dishes in the sinks, broken appliances. The maintenance necessities for the household. Not baking cookies or goodie bags. [/quote]

Nah they are talking about unnecessary nonsense.

I still remember when my grad school gf launched a long tirade about her housemate being an incredible slob. Her example at the time was… her housemate left one coffee cup in the sink. I was like geez don’t marry her, and I pity the fool who eventually did.[/quote]

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