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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a working mom with a pretty impressive job.

I think the women who really think their husbands care about their resumes and view them as equal professionals are delusional.  Men typically care to the extent you’re not giving them a hard time, it makes their life easier, and they are okay financially.  A marriage is NOT successful because the wife has an impressive resume and it gives her husband a hard on. [/quote]

I agree with this. DH doesn't care at all how much money I do or dont make. He's happy if he's getting laid and I don't give him a hard time. Appreciates it when I dress up and look nice. Appreciates that the kids are smart (due to genetics and environment) but probably doesn't care that I am.  I have a fancy resume and so does he but it's not a big deal to him.[/quote]

Not true in my circle. [b]When wives have "impressive" jobs (successful doctor, lawyer, policy etc) the men in our circle are very, very focused on it.  It's seen as a real status symbol.  [/b]

Of course, i assume that the type of women who are less focused on careers end up with men who are less focused on women with careers - so they are probably happy together. Likewise, women and men who are both very into women have high professional aspirations are likely to end up together.  In other words, people end up with the type of person they should. [/quote]

Perhaps this is a new money circle??  Yes, in some cities like NY viewed favorably to have a big job.  But there are plenty of SAHMs married to very successful men.  [/quote]

In my circle those very successful women quit to become stay at home moms once the kids arrive. I just look around at my private school. [/quote]

You usually can’t tell if someone is a SAHM or not just by looking.  [/quote]

Also, at the most expensive privates the majority of the moms are 45 years old by the time they have a kindergartner. So they may have had a 20 year career before having kids. [/quote]

We're in public school, but this is me and this is one reason why I find threads like this, and the attitude of some about SAHMs, weird. I actually only SAHMed for a few years and have been part time since, and am now actually planning to go back for a second graduate degree in order to do a career pivoting my late 40s. But I remember when I decided to quit my job when my first was born and I had colleagues who were like "oh no now you'll be dumb and boring and your husband won't respect you anymore!" I was 39, had out-earned him for much of our marriage, and felt I'd done everything I wanted to do in my career. My husband doesn't think I'm dumb or boring -- he asks me for career advice and thinks it's too bad I have zero interest in politics because, according to him, I could finally get that ham sandwich elected.

Some women SAHM because they want a new challenge, not because they are afraid of having a "real" job or don't want to have to think. It's so sad to discover how much women devalue the work of caring for children. Early childhood development is fascinating and finding out how to nurture your own child is deeply rewarding and interesting. I can't figure out if the people who don't understand this are just pretending they don't realize that because they couldn't afford to SAHM or really don't understand it. Either way, it's sad.[/quote]

So you're someone who enjoys the company of children and is apathetic about current events.

Yeah, I wouldn't really consider you smart.[/quote]

I SAH. Time to revisit some great literature or philosophical tracts to remind yourself about what some options for a life well-lived could look like. Spoiler: none of them involve obsessing about current events and politics.

I recommend starting with Voltaire's Candide. Find out what he meant when he wrote "one must tend to one's own garden."[/quote]

+1. Or better yet, not a single old and dying person regrets not having worked more. Everyone wishes they had spent more time with loved ones. Always.[/quote]

This is an inaccurate representation of the research (as always human feelings are more complex than one-liners), but if you feel this is true, why do you think this is only something you are entitled to and not your husband? Do his deathbed wishes not matter to you?[/quote]

I would love to see the answer to this question.[/quote]

Presumably if one parent takes care of all the household stuff, both parents will have more time for kids. when both parents work they theoretically both have  to cook, clean, run errands, take care of all the kid stuff (that doesn’t involve actually developing a relationship with the kids, things like finding camps, making doctors appointments, and coordinating play dates) etc. That stuff is work. So both parents work less when one stays at home. And the original comment was about learning about child development and if one parent takes the time to dig into that, they can just give the parent who works outside the home the cliffs notes version. That’s what I do with my husband. I spend all the time doing research so he doesn’t have to. DH spends his weekends taking the kids on outings, doing projects with them, watching shows with them, and playing sports with them. They have developed really strong bonds. He does wish he could spend more time with them because he enjoys it, but I think he still spends more time with them than your average parent and certainly more than any of our parents did with us.

The time commitment involved in being a big law partner sucks but it’s certainly possible to still have an amazing relationship with your kids, and while it’s of course possible to do that with two working parents (I’ve seen many who do), logistically it’s just easier if one stays at home. I did at one point try to go back to work and I personally couldn’t do it. After the kids went to school full time I got a jobby that still lets me do all the things I mentioned above and doesn’t require my husband to have to do any additional work at home. For us, considering our values, our limits, our financial situation (special needs kids are expensive!), I have a hard time imagining something that would work better for us. [/quote]

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