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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I posted this as a comment on another thread, but I think it's odd how many posters here are averse to pushing their kid and having them develop an amazing work ethic (the #1 key to success!) all because they're worried that they'll harm their fragile snowflake's "mental health."

I demand that my kid (who is of fairly average intelligence -- 110 IQ) take the most rigorous classes offered at their school (a "W" school), try their best to get straight As (so far successful except for 1 B sophomore year), participate in a sport, play an instrument, work a (crappy, minimum wage) summer job, and be active in community service. DC doesn't want to do any of this (they are naturally very lazy), but I push them academically and extracurricularly because it forms a well-rounded human being. Not for the sake of college admissions, not for the sake of impressing an AO, but for the sake of developing a work ethic that'll launch them into success in college and beyond. Too many Americans these days lack a strong work ethic.

And for some reason, the parents on here think that all of this will destroy my kid's mental health. The best thing you can do for your kid's mental health is to build grit and resilience, as well as normalize failure. That's why I demand that my kid try their best at activities that are naturally outside of their comfort zone. It seems as though this is a common approach to successful and well-rounded kids; the ones who are the healthiest and happiest in DC's friend group are the ones who are pushed by their parents to do things outside of their comfort zone while normalizing failure and not being the best at everything you do. And the ones in DC's friend group with the most mental health issues are the ones with coddling parents who try to shelter their kid from every potential failure while not pushing them to step outside of their comfort zone. [/quote]

I will answer you honestly,  OP.
I don't push my children to develop an "amazing work ethic" because I'm not a 1st generation immigrant.

My parents parents were and they - when finally blessed with the opportunity- did what you are describing.  My parents went to the best colleges, work day in, day out and weekends and got ahead in high pressure, high stakes, high paying jobs. And were miserable

. 
We all would have been happier with parents who were around more, who took better care of their mental and spiritual health, who enjoyed hobbies and life vs having the best house, the best cars. The best clothes, etc.

You will notice that 20 years ago the doctors and lawyers were Jewish because their parents fled oppression post ww2 and pushed their children to work as hard as possible and it paid off financially.  But they aren't pushing their children to follow in their footsteps for a reason. Now all the doctors and lawyers are middle or far eastern who are going through the same cycle.

We take stock of what's important and [b]it's more of a whole person vs hard work ethic[/b]. Besides, the working world has changed and hard work and loyalty don't pay off as they used to anyway. [/quote]

As a first generation immigrant, I can assure you that being a whole person is important for us too.   It's just much less affordable for those who weren't here for generations.  "I must study politics and war..." and so on.   Hopefully my grandchildren will be able to study art history without scolding others for their perceived ignorance regarding the overall well being.[/quote]

No one said it was out of ignorance, just that it's a fact. Thank you for reaffirming it.[/quote]

NP.  Daughter of immigrants here.  My parents were demanding as I was growing up.  They expected me to do my very best since that was my contribution to my family.  They worked hard and they taught me the value of hard work too.  This idea that they didn't care about me as a "whole person" is truly offensive.  They cared about almost nothing other than the success - social, emotional, cultural, academic - of me and my siblings.  Because of them (and my in-laws), my kids now have much more flexibility to pursue what I guess you call "whole person" passions.  But my message to them is the same that my parents gave me (not in words so much but in their actions every day)  "I adore you.  I want the best for you.  You have an obligation to your family to take care of yourself in the long run.  The best thing you can do is to work as hard as you can, and do your absolute best.  This is what I expect from you. I have faith in you."[/quote]

Another daughter of immigrants and I really don’t recognize what you are saying. I come from a world where my family believes that outward educational and monetary success results in the other success like social or emotional success. I really don’t know immigrant families that identify social
and emotional success as independent areas.[/quote]

what is emotional success? i really want to know.[/quote]

Being content with who you are.[/quote]

oh, ok. so a serial killer who is content with being just that is a winner in your book.[/quote]

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