Reply to Does anyone else find ‘cherish these moments’ parenting advice a little traumatizing?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No one is saying it is weird to cry or be exhausted. We have ALL been there.

Some have just been saying that when you are so fragile, it does not take much to set you off. Don't turn daggers on the world, let alone other moms.

Just because they have a few years on you does not mean they are "resentful" irrelevant" "envious." Those characterizations really smack of misogyny or projection.  [/quote]

+1. Not only that, but no one is telling you that you are “doing it wrong.” Your own insecurity is taking a lighthearted comment and twisting it. Saying “cherish these moments” is neither a judgment nor unsolicited advice. And if that’s what you are feeling when you hear that comment, maybe do some self reflection. [/quote]

NP. Have you not kept up with the fact that more people than OP have been sharing anecdotes, and in some cases, people are indeed saying things to new moms, like:
"Just you wait..."
"You think you have it hard now..."
"Little kids, little problems"
"Try having a teenager"

Etc. [/quote]

NP. I'd like a list of GOOD things that could be said instead, especially when I see a mother struggling with a crying baby or toddler. I'd truly like to be supportive because I clearly remember those days -- so hard! -- but I feel uncertain what to say.

"It gets better, hang in there!" ?
"You have a lovely baby"?
"The early days can be so hard, you have my sympathy" ?

Or would those be taken wrong in any way?[/quote]

How about a smile and a sympathetic glance, and giving her the gift of not hovering and prying when she's trying to handle it on her own, or:
"I'm nearby if there's anything I can do to help."

I once was struggling a bit to breastfeed my baby on a plane, flying without my husband. The woman next to me would. Not. Stop. Talking to me as I was peeking under my nursing cover and literally trying to handle my baby and my boob--not something I needed "help" with.

Finally, I just turned my body away from her, stopped responding to her, and almost immediately when I was focused on just my baby, we got the latch and she soon fell asleep. When my baby was asleep, the woman then started trying to talk to me AGAIN, not even whispering, and I glared at her to shut her up. Sometimes the greatest gift you can give someone is just to let them be.[/quote]

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