Reply to 17 Year Old Custody Schedule

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So, how did it go, OP?[/quote]

OP here: my DS's next weekend with his dad isn't until next weekend, so I don't know yet.  I slept on it for two nights and tried to talk to DS again.  DS is still adamant he won't go to his dad's next weekend.  My ex refuses to discuss it with DS because ex says this is a dispute between me and him to figure out, because DS isn't one of the parties who signed the custody agreement.

To address other PPs' comments: DS doesn't have to miss any of his actual football games because those are on Friday nights.  So on his dad's weekends, DS either gets driven up to his dad's Friday night after the game, or Saturday morning after Saturday morning practice (when he has them).  He hasn't been missing any of his sports commitments with our schedule.  But he does miss out on post-game/practice socializing those weekends, which is part of why he's starting refusing to go.

I suggested to ex that maybe we can just ease the strict schedule until football season is over, and then try to get DS to go back to EOW for the rest of the school year, but ex said no.[/quote]

In all seriousness, with a kid that old who will be 18 in less than 12 months, I would do nothing.

I wouldn’t engage with ex in the topic anymore or DS.

Ex can do whatever he wants.

He can call the police. He can file with the courts. Whatever.

The cops will be annoyed and will tell him to do something reasonable like come to pick up his kid

He can file with the court, a lawyer will take his money and tell him he is wasting his time, but will happily take his money.
If you make it to court, either the judge will tell your DH to be reasonable or tell your kid to go to visitation and by that time it will be a couple months or so.

Drop the rope with your ex and just let it go.

[/quote]

+1. Your ex's beef is not with your son, it's with you. Any reasonable adult that actually wanted a relationship with their child would be working to make that happen. Your responses make clear that your ex is refusing to make any compromises or even take opportunities for more time when it's offered (i.e. - picking up son Friday after practice). The only way to "win" here is not to play.

I wouldn't say another word to your ex. If he calls or messages when son doesn't show up next week I'd outline all of the compromises you've been willing to make since you informed him the custody arrangement is not working and no further contact.[/quote]

Its OP responsibility to do drop off and ex did compromise with a Saturday drop off instead of Friday.  He has agreed to reduced time.  He has made compromises.[/quote]

Op is doing the dad a huge favor.’ Assuming OP could cajole / force DS to go to dad’s on Fridays as written, dad would have to deal with a surly kid AND drive kid back for football practice and then back to dad’s house on Saturday, and then return dc to OP on Sunday. He would be spending more time in the car or not if he’s really that much of an a*hole.[/quote]

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