Reply to When to tell kids the truth about their father’s adultery as reason for divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am divorced. [b]Adults don't need to justify decisions to children.[/b] Nor should they know what their parents marital problems are or were. We are not compatible and it was the wrong decision to get married is enough of a reason. We grew apart is valid, too, and true in many cases. I am not immature. My dad put is marital problems on me. It is wrong to do that to kids. A child is not your therapist. If you want to tell people, tell your friend or a therapist. Don't be immature. Kids don't need it. It is unnecessary and worse than the original offense. Adult business is adult business. Keep it that way.[/quote]
They do when said decisions directly affect the children.[/quote]
Nope. [/quote] 
This kind of attitude is why i haven't spoken to my parents in 10 years, they withheld information from me that i would have used to decide who i would to live with.[/quote]

With whom your father or mother cheated with, how and when, has nothing to do with who you decide to live with. You were a child! I do not understand letting children know. Children do not need to know the reason for everything little thing. [/quote]

DP. Are you always like this? This comment seems outright delusional. [/quote]

No, a divorce is nobody else’s business. Don’t bleed in public.[/quote]

NP.  This is such a strange reply.  Divorce affects kids and so it makes sense to tell them the truth in an age appropriate way.  You don’t want them to find out from someone else or to blame themselves for the divorce.  Why take that chance?[/quote]

[b]Privacy and secrets are two different things. Families who keep secrets about infidelity and divorce aren’t healthy at all. People who experience their spouse being unfaithful and the resulting divorce are allowed to speak about it. [/b]

Posting screeds on facebook and loudly and constantly denigrating a cheating spouse to anyone and everyone under the sun makes you look unhinged. However, it’s your life, too. You should not have to keep secrets for someone who hurt you and broke up your family. Trust and truth are important. The cheater broke trust within the marriage, and then wants to claim the mantle of secrecy. What a toxic nightmare to present to your kids. [/quote]

That and a whole lot of denial is what messes my spouse and his siblings up so much.  His 80-year old mother is still in denial and will not address some fairly traumatic stuff (she was also part of).  It didn’t happen.  Lie, lie abs lie some more.  Repress.

It’s how they all learned poor coping skills, lying is fine and just present a phony wonderful image.[/quote]

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