Reply to If you forgave infidelity, how did you do it?

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Reply to "If you forgave infidelity, how did you do it?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Don't stay with a spouse who cheats just "for the kids." That's a terrible burden to put on them. [/quote]

How is that a burden on them? So I shouldn't have married either because I married for the kids. Yes, he is wonderful man, but we would have remained boyfriend/ girlfriend if I did not want kids

I guess it's different for those who marry primarily for romantic love. I love my DH very much. But I did not marry him because of that. I married him because I thought marriage was the best institution under which we could raise children. So staying for those children can still make sense if he cheats.[/quote]

Why do you keep giving advice when your spouse hasn't even cheated? It's all very theoretical for you. I don't think you understand that cheaters cheat the same way an alcoholic drinks too much. They justify it over and over. It's not a one time thing usually. Are you from another country where divorce isn't allowed or is really frowned upon? In the US it's not as big of a stigma. In fact it would be weird to know about your spouse having sex with someone else and you still staying in the marriage.[/quote]

NP. Oh, sorry, now only people who were cheated on can have an opinion on whether *they* would stay in *their* own marriage for the sake of the kids? The marital unit is a basic building block of society. People can and do make mistakes. Would you divorce over a DUI? A lapse in judgement related to childcare? A financial loss? Not all situations are the same. Sure, some cheaters are scum of the earth. But many are not, despite having terrible coping mechanisms and impulse control.

And no, i've neither cheated nor been cheated on to my knowledge but DH and I discuss temptations and we both know it's a complicated thing, and neither of us think we are somehow magically protected from the risk of being on either side of infidelity.[/quote]

Well for instance I would have thought I would have stayed if my spouse had said sorry and worked on things in the marriage. If it was a one time thing. Or perhaps would have thought I could have swept it under the rug and somehow just gotten along without sex. Well that was impossible. There were monetary problems with money disappearing. People coming over to the house for sex. All of our conversations changed. He was a completely different person. Constantly lying and about stupid stuff like what he bought at the store. Not just the same person but just with infidelity. So no, I don't think you can predict how you would react or what situation you find yourself in. You can predict but it would be a partial truth because you've never actually lived it.[/quote]

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