Reply to Those in your 40s and 50s, if you had kids later in life, do you regret it?

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "Those in your 40s and 50s, if you had kids later in life, do you regret it?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here we go with this same tired old topic again.

Look, the bottom line is simple:  it's better to have kids young.  Biology prefers it for a reason.

Of course older mothers are going to disagree, because they have to validate their choices or circumstances.  All of this baloney about the benefits of having kids older -- being financially secure, having fun in your youth, etc. -- benefit the [i]parents[/i], not the kids.  If, for example, you're a struggling grad student, having a kid doesn't hurt the kid because your future earnings potential is presumably high.

That's what we did.  We got married in our early 20s, got our kids out of the way while going to grad school, and had all four before we were 30.  Now our kids are full grown, and the parents of their kids' friends are closer to our age than theirs.  And our kids didn't suffer economically, academically, or socially because we didn't wait until the timing was "perfect" by DCUM's definition.  To the contrary, they thrived.  [/quote]

All these mamas lucky enough to find someone to marry in their 20s. Do you REALLY think most of us WANTED to meet our husbands so late and have kids so late? Would you rather we not have kids at all? WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM BIZNOTCH?[/quote]

See, I applaud your honesty.  The issue I have is with the older mothers who insist that it's the better course of action when it usually isn't.  [/quote]

DP, but there are many benefits to having kids when you're older than younger, mostly because adults are more stable (emotionally, financially, etc.).  That's hard to get around.  I know there are some benefits to having kids younger, but that's mostly around the ease of conceiving and remaining pregnant.  That has little to do with the actual work of parenting.[/quote]

I feel like posts like this are setting up false dilemmas where you're comparing teenagers with women who are 40+.  Almost everywhere on the planet, a woman of, say, 25 is considered a fully formed adult, with her education complete, her health at the peak, and her emotional maturation complete, and certainly up to the challenges of parenting.  It's not like adulthood begins at 40.  [/quote]

I’m not, actually.  But I also think you raise a larger point, which is that the “younger is better” argument assumes that we’re talking about identical people having children at different points in life.  Rather, people who have children when they’re in their early to mid 20s are on a different trajectory than people who have children in their mid to late 30s.  In other words, the age at which people have their first child isn’t independent from variables such as educational attainment, financial stability, emotional maturity, etc.

The truth is that there are benefits to having kids younger and also benefits to having kids older.  And there are drawbacks to either.  But these assumptions that those of us who had kids older are out of touch, creaky adults who can neither connect emotionally nor keep up physically with our kids is laughable and more than a little pathetic.[/quote]

I don't think the discussion centered around your last sentence, nor is anyone questioning that.  From what I could see, the doubts are directed very much at the "younger" parents - are they stable enough, mature enough, solvent enough, etc.  And I think that viewing a woman of, say, 25 to 28, as immature and poor just by virtue of her age, is seriously wrong.

Now, let's look at your statement "Rather, people who have children when they’re in their early to mid 20s are on a different trajectory than people who have children in their mid to late 30s.  In other words, the age at which people have their first child isn’t independent from variables such as educational attainment, financial stability, emotional maturity, etc.  "

If there is indeed a dependency there, then you ought to be able to say, confidently, "people who have children young are less/more educated, less/more stable, less/more emotionally mature", and have that statement be true throughout their life trajectory (because certainly educational attainment, emotional maturation or financial growth does not stop with the birth of your first child).  Can you? Can you confidently say that? [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics