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Reply to "Estrangement Doesn't Just Happen to "Bad" Moms—It Happened to Me Too"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In the article it says very early on the son starts comparing his family to his fiancé's family.  My MIL did this shortly after I married DH.  She would compare her family with mine.  My MIL was mentally unstable or emotionally immature, whatever you want to call it, she caused a lot of drama and problems.

I think there were issues with the new DIL who didn't want to share with a new family.

I think this because at the end when the family wanted to know what was wrong, the couple wanted to rug sweep it and not talk about it.  Mentally unstable people do this, they don't talk about issues.  I mean you have this massive estrangement with someone but you won't or can't talk about it - the person who can't or won't talk is the problem, so in this case it's the son and DIL.  I honestly think they won't talk because they know they will get hit with the truth and they can't handle that.[/quote]

You’re assuming her framing is true. From what the DIL said it sounds like very little here is accurate. [/quote]

What? [/quote]

LOL, looks like the MIL finally found this thread. years later.[/quote]

No, but probably several MILs who deal with toxic and mentally ill DIL and SILs. I know  a few. It wasn't until a school  got involved that the world knew what DIL was like behind closed doors.  Narcissists are really really good at presenting one facade and acting in another behind the scenes. But it never lasts, eventually it comes out.

I am not a MIL, or DIL,  but I am with Mom on this one. And she probably helped a lot of her peers who deal with this very painful subject. In this one family, the parents were almost destroyed by grief. Sorry, there was no reason in this story to actually disinvite his parents. None.[/quote]

Where does it say they were disinvited? [/quote]

Quote from article, which also indicates  that she also did not tell others not to go.

[b]When Dan did call again, it wasn't to apologize or explain. He called to confirm that we wouldn't be at the wedding. When he said he was just confirming that we would not be at the wedding, and that they needed to know for "the plates," tears slid down my cheeks. I was his mother, diminished to a number on a catering order.

After that, I had no choice but to call our relatives who'd been invited and try to explain why we were no longer going to Dan's wedding. Of course there were questions: "What happened?" Estrangement triggers so much shame, especially when the answer you're left with is, "I'm not sure." It feels like everyone is making judgments about you, believing you must have done some awful thing. There were a couple relatives who immediately rallied and said, "Something's going on. Do you think she wants him all to herself?" Statements like that were supportive and kind. And my thought was, I don't know, but I'm not going to say anything bad about anybody.
[/b]
Secondly,  the comment by MIL about discussing it with anyone because people will assume "you've done something awful" is exactly what all the commentary is here and on Reddit. So, then when she does do that, that's exactly what people do. If the DIL wrote about it, she'd be a heroine. She'd be lauded for her assertiveness  and bravery. Not MIL- everyone goes straight to personality disorder.  How ridiculous.  
Lastly,   if you are making decisions from the Reddit subthread, you are forming opinions from  other's comments, not the original source.  A Reddit thread is only commentary.  [/quote]
DP. Calling someone to confirm they aren’t coming isn’t the same thing as disinviting. Seems more likely what you would do if someone has already indicated they won’t come. [/quote]

Further, MIL says he's getting this confirmation for the purposes of plates. So yeah, MIL already said no, and it sounds like he's even giving her a chance to back in before he tells the caterer their final numbers.

If son disinvited his mother, he would know the number for plates. He wouldn't need to call her about plates.[/quote]

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