Reply to What is with DCUM women and "mental loads?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Be that as it may, the point remains that a lot of this whining about “mental loads” is self-inflicted dysfunction, likely internalized by what they think they *should* be doing.

I also reject your assertion that the disengaged dad is the norm. I will not concede that for a minute. It certainly isn’t my experience with my circle of
Dad, ie my poker buddies. It’s actually more of a cliche and a trope. You hear it here because people with axes to grind are whining — do not confuse that with the norm. Sucks to be them, but they are the ones having deviances from the norm.

Also, there is a heavy bias toward what contributions to family life should be valued or “count” as mental load.  But you are insane if you are going to assert with a straight fact that the mental load of remembering to send a nephew a gift is the same as being sure the mortgage is paid or retaining job security more broadly. Or the mental load of many other things martyr moms don’t value but are every bit as important if not more so than the relatively insignificant things they obsess about, often because they feel pressure to be in competition with other women in their communities. [/quote]

It's weird that you complain about "martyr moms" when you can't stop Not All Menning on a topic about which there is actual research quantifying how much of this stuff, on average, falls to moms rather than dads.

Also, eff you on the mortgage stuff. I pay all the bills and make all the investment decisions. I know a lot of women who handle the finances, and not because their backgrounds made them better equipped to do so, but because their spouses couldn't wait to slack off/delegate once there was someone else who would catch the balls they dropped. The mental load comes from the kids AND the household, and the only thing worse than enduring the "self-inflicted" wound of taking on the mental load is enduring the consequences that would be inflicted on me and the kids if I chose the path of entropy. [/quote]

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