Reply to What’s the end game plan for a cheating husband?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To the poster above, what if your husband pulled it off, had his fun and didn't get caught? There are so many marriages that live happily ever after but someone had an affair and no one got caught. So divorce may be better than getting caught cheating but not getting caught is the best of outcomes.

That's the end game[/quote]

No. It's not. The cheater isn't fully committed to the spouse or the marriage and that cognitive dissociation bleeds into every aspect of the marriage.  You cannot carry a secret that big and lying about where you are and what you are doing with someone and not have it negatively effect the relationship, the time invested elsewhere and ultimately the marriage bond.  It's devious, dishonest, disrespectful, a violation of someone's trust, health.

Something is always wrong while the affair is ongoing.  The cheater is almost ALWAYS critical to the loved ones at home, distracted, spending time away, and angry.  Read all these spouses wondering what happened to their loving spouses---he/she is calling them names, acting like jerk, unpredictable moods, short temper with the kids, spending time away or on their phone all of the time.  It's psychological abuse that comes with it gaslighting while the spouse tries to figure out what they did wrong while walking around on egg shells.

If a cheater isn't caught, there's no reason for them to change or fix what is messed up inside to allow them to betray the person they pledged themselves too.  By getting it out in the open, there can be real growth, they can get the individual therapy desperately needed, address childhood or relationship wounds, etc.

What you mean is: no harm, no foul TO THE CHEATER because they did not have to face any consequences for betraying their spouse/family.  That's sick.[/quote]

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