Reply to What’s the end game plan for a cheating husband?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote] Two problems with your assumption.

1) Every post from betrayed wives starts with "we were having sex all the time, things were great, I was blindsided!" I have yet to read one saying "we hadn't had sex in months and admittedly I have rejected him often."

2) If you aren't having sex with your spouse, you don't have a deep connection. Yes, on paper you know it's wrong but it's wrong like standing a friend up for dinner, more of a white lie than a deep betrayal. If you don't have a deep connection (which is impossible on a sexless marriage) you aren't going to feel like there is something deep to lose.

But since you don't have this issue in your marriage, I don't expect you to understand. Just trying to show you the mindset.[/quote]

Did you read my post? I said “ask me how I know.” So you are making a lot of major assumptions about me and my marriage.  You used your time with your kids to justify your cheat.  I’m telling you that when you are caught, they won’t care (or hopefully even know) if your marriage is sexless or if you and DW bang all the time.  They will care that you cheated and lied and hurt their mom, etc., and that will last for years.  So just get out.  No one is saying stay in a sexless marriage, but you also don’t have to cheat.  [/quote]

I know women in therapy for years to get over the pain, trauma and hurt betrayal in their long marriages has caused.  It’s awful.  And it’s downplayed by the people participating in affairs because they are selfish and shallow and only think of themselves. Causing that much pain to someone else and destroying trust, shredding it is beyond awful.[/quote]

DP. I don't doubt the pain caused. But it seems just as painful to have someone divorce you against your wishes. That too seems traumatic, painful and like a betrayal. Seems to me if you don't think sexlessness is a reason to open a marriage or forgive cheating, you won't see it as a satisfying reason to end a marriage and break up a family. [/quote]

It’s painful to be divorced but it’s even worse to be cheated on. Plus if you are cheated on and the cheater is remorseful and wants to stay together, then suddenly the onus is on the betrayed spouse to keep the marriage together. That is really unfair. Just be fair and have some respect for your partner and leave. It’s ultimately the best thing for everyone involved. [/quote]

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