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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Yes. My wife did track her her down. I have had zero contact with AP since I ended it. I don’t blame my wife. She holds each of us accountable.

AP refuses to take any responsibility. She asked my wife if my wife really wanted to ruin 2 families. Delusional. My wife did nothing. My wife did not ruin a single family. The AP and I are the ones ruining families. I see how mentally ill this woman is and it was not her first affair. She hates and despises her husband. I always told her I loved and respected my wife which drove her crazy and she was very jealous of my wife. I realize now saying that and doing what I did to my wife do not “fit”. I am seeing two therapists, attend a weekly addiction group, just got a vasectomy, std tested, and will sign any post-nup my wife puts in front of me. My wife won’t go to counseling with me right now. She can’t stand to look at me. I don’t blame her, but will spend the rest of my life doing everything I can to be a better person, husband and father. I will do this whether she chooses to stay or go. I never want another wife or family. Mine was perfect and I blew it up. I hate myself. The hurt and disgust in my wife’s eyes is so painful. I will have to live with this the rest of my life. And, as my wife told me, so will she and she didn’t have the benefit of “4 years of fun” first. I would tell anybody, do NOT do this. Do not cheat on a spouse. It’s never a solution to any problems or demons inside.[/quote]

I RARELY think a betrayed spouse should give a cheater another chance after a long-term affair, because I think the cheater is almost never ready to do the work to heal himself/herself and their spouse, and so reconciliation is generally a losing proposition.  The cheater inflicts trauma on their spouse, and may regret getting caught but does not usually make it to true remorse.  From what both you and your wife have written, you have some true underlying issues that it appears you are committed to working out, and your cheating behavior is way out of character from what anyone who knows you would expect.  It sounds like your marriage had a good foundation that may help now.  I am actually rooting for you.  I hope you can fix yourself, and that then you and your wife can fix your marriage.  I hope you express your gratitude to her every day for the rest of your life if she gives you another chance.[/quote]

I'm rooting for you as well to get better enough to do well in your marriage going forward. Hopefully, you do learn new lessons in individual therapy but long term success for a long term cheater isn't good.  You are remorseful now but am wondering what you will feel like in 1-2 years from now and if you will be patient when these feelings from your wife become tedious for you.  Good luck to you but I'm concerned for your wife.  She has a difficult decision on her hand but I'm hoping you two are that 1 in a 100 couple.  [/quote]

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