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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Back in my 30’s I had three AP’s over an 8 year period. We were raising 2 DC’s, parenting well, building careers and having regular, if uninspired, sex. 
I’m the kind of guy that doesn’t seek and rarely has had sex for the sake of having sex. I fell in love with all 3 AP’s and the affairs ended when the relationships reached the point where I either had to leave DW or end the relationships. I ended them and it was painful. Divorced a few years later, remarried and been monogamous since. 
In retrospect, I think the relationship with DW was missing something which is why I was open to an AP.  [/quote]

In it now, and trying to break it off.  I generally agree, affairs are a result of something wrong in the relationship, could be lack of sex or something else.  Not trying to justifying it, but it's a symptom, not a cause.[/quote]

Not really.  Affairs are because there’s something missing in you, not someone else.  [/quote]

Well said. That's it entirely.

[b]Normal people cope with life's problems[/b]. [b]Others with deep flaws drink, take drugs, have food addiction,[/b] engage in promiscuous behavior, and of course lying and cheating.

[/quote]

Since , what 50% of people admit to cheating at some point, and almost 10% of the US population has used drugs in the last month (stat is about 5 years old, but still: https://www.drugabuse.gov/related-topics/trends-statistics) about 6% of people have an alcohol use disorder (https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohol-health/overview-alcohol-consumption/alcohol-use-disorders) and 30 million people with eating disorders in the US (that's almost 10%) (https://anad.org/education-and-awareness/about-eating-disorders/eating-disorders-statistics/)

.... I think that saying "normal people cope with life's problem's" is a false statement. ALL people cope with life's problems. We do it differenty. Not just people with deep flaws. ALL people. To say that I'm not normal because I abuse alcohol or have cheated on my spouse is just simply wrong. It is also wishful thinking, that you believe you are normal and whole because you haven't cheated, or abused alcohol, and that you are better than other people.  I'd hate to say my grandfather (abused alcohol) wasn't normal. Or my other grandfather (who was controlling) wasn't normal. Or my brother (uses pot) wasn't normal. Or my father (cheated on his wife) wasn't normal. They all were/are successful businessmen with their own companies. I'll bet if you look at your family you'll find similar. And those are only the ones you know about. I'm sure there is much much hidden there.

People are all flawed. We all do our best. Yes, we make mistakes. But labeling a very broad swath of folks as "not normal" is unacceptable, when alcohol, abuse, addiction, and affairs include about 90% of families.
[/quote]

Normal does not equal moral.

Cheating is a morality issue.

Smoking pot not so much .  And alcoholism, like mental illness/depression, is genetic.

You can’t paint them all with the same brush.

Then add in borderline personality issues, sociopaths, narcissism and past abuse and it gets even cloudier.

People are free to define people however they want.

A father that was an alcoholic, serial cheater and emotional abuser abandoning a family can certainly be viewed as “not a good person”.

Newt Gingrich was not a good person.  John Edwards was not a good person.  [/quote]

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