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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, i'm so sorry. Just at the beginning of this journey with my dad. he fell and broke a rib and an arm and now needs a live in aide, because with the broken arm and already being fragile and wobbly he now cant shower or dress. And he is incontinent at night and needs his sheets changed by someone with a working arm every morning, or else they stay filthy.

He hates the aide and the loss of privacy but refuses to consider assisted living. I've been stepping in to help as much as I can, with doctor's appointments, dealing with the aide agency, errands, and all that but with my own kids and job it is exhausting. He is also very isolated - does not have many friends.

I desperately wish he would consider assisted living. He would have more privacy than with the live in aide but I would not have to worry as much about more falls or other medical emergencies. He refused to consider it: talks about it as me wanting to "put him into a home." Does not/will not get that this is not like a nursing home, these are nice private apartments but there are on-call and scheduled aides.

He can afford it either way, but I don't think he really gets how stressful his situation is for me and my siblings (and i am the only one who lives close, so the burden falls mostly on me).[/quote]

This is hard on you, I know. Hang in there! When my Dad was dragging his feet about going to assisted living, I made appointments to tour several that I thought he would like - just to “look”. We had lunch, took a tour, and saw all of the activities and amenities. During that time, I also tried to make him see how busy I am with school-aged kids, husband, and home. I didn’t abandon him, but set limits on what I could do and when. It took several months, but he eventually saw that he needed assisted living. Especially since I am his only local child. He likes it now and has been there a few years. I think it improved his quality of life.[/quote]

Also, my Dad had to relocate to this area because his health was deteriorating and he needed to be closer to me. That meant my husband, kids, and I were the only people he knew and he was dependent on us for everything, including entertainment. Now, in assisted living, he has people his own age to talk to and socialize with. It’s better for all of us. We can all socialize because we want to, not because we feel like we have to. I wish it wasn’t so expensive, but it was the best alternative we could come up with.[/quote]

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