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[quote=Anonymous][quote]
OP here. I'm not entirely certain when things began. Her ex husband and I tried to piece it together at one point after everything was exposed, but there seemed to be no end to the lies. If you haven't gone through something like this, you can't fully appreciate how disorienting it is - realizing that you can't event trust your own memories. I remember seeing a facebook memory pop up several months after I kicked him out, a photo of a giant bouquet of my favorite flowers he had sent to me while he was on an out of town trip months earlier. At the time, I thought it was a thoughtful gesture from the love of my life. Now, I know he was screwing her brains out - she accompanied him on almost all his business trips.

+1000

This kind of deep lying is gaslighting and it’s a form of emotional abuse. It makes you doubt your interretarion of everything that happened in your life together, and it can carry over into doubting other relationships and perceptions in life.[/quote]

OP again.  Yes.  This is by far the most insidious, cruel part of what he did to me.  It was literally maddening - as in, there were times I felt my head splitting in half as I tried to reconcile over and over again what I thought was real vs what I had learned was actually happening.  He'd promise me that was everything, there were no more secrets, and then months later, boom - another one.  And I'd have to once again reset the timeline of Before and After, reinterpret everything.  You literally feel like the ground is not solid under your feet.  And it keeps happening, even long after you have mentally accepted the end of the relationship.

For example, 6 or 7 months after we separated, I was out shopping.  There was a sale on my favorite brand of makeup at a department store, and when I was picking out some items the saleswoman pointed out their new style of lip liners.  I don't wear lip liner, never have.  But in that moment, when I was treating myself and trying to feel a little bit pretty and cheery, it was like time stood still for a moment.  I remembered dropping my cell phone on the floor in my husband's car, and when I picked it up I found a lip liner wedged up under the passenger's seat.  I remember staring at it in my hand, not understanding what it was, why it was there, it was so out of context.  He explained it away as having probably fallen out of a purse of one of the slugs that he drove to work regularly.

I'll never know if it was innocent or if it was her's.  I do know it was a punch in the gut, many months after the fact.  [/quote]

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