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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How much does she weigh?[/quote]

She is 4’6” and 53 lbs. Almost 12.[/quote]

I know you are trying to do the right things, OP.  Just want to comment that I have a son with similar stats.  I think he was 4'6" at 11 and right around 55lbs.  We never thought or were suggested to do anything like a feeding tube.  In fact, we never were instructed to do anything to medicalize DS's eating/weight like you have been doing.  He is now 12 and 3/4ths years.  Last fall, he had a sinus infection.  He had been around 61 lbs before he got it, but then wasn't eating well and dropped down to 59 lbs.  (he was around 4" 11" at the time).  Anyway, we got him some antibiotics and he got better quickly.  He typically gains about 3 lbs per year.  That's been true since he was about 4 yrs old.

I was thinking he would be in HS and not yet 70 lbs.  (He's in 7th grade).  Well, since the beginning of Dec. '18, when he got better from the sinus infection, to now, he has gained 10 lbs!!!!!  This has not happened -- perhaps ever!  Even when he was a baby, I don't know if he ever gained 10 lbs in one year!  He is now right around 69 lbs.  Prior to the last 4 mos, he has been the worst eater.  As a toddler, he would eat nothing for lunch but ONE pancake with butter.  That's it... for like a year!  He never eagerly drank his bottles.  He's been an anxious kid in some ways -- fears in general, now fear of flying, doesn't like roller coasters or dogs, and has always been very distracted at the table (hard to keep him there, takes 2 hrs to eat the simplest dinner every night for YEARS, etc.).  He is 12.75, but if you saw him, you might think he is 9.  When I see him with his legs and arms exposed, or if he is in undies, I always though he looks emaciated.  Yet, I cannot get him to eat.

My sister is a registered dietician and has a PhD in Nutritional Epidemiology.  When I visited her in Dec. and told her how low-weight he is, she was alarmed.  We calculated his BMI -- and she was still alarmed.  I gave her all the weight and height data I had for each dr's visit since DS was 2 yrs old.  She was pushing me to DO SOMETHING!!.   (Of course, DS is not on the growth charts.).  Our pediatrician has never been alarmed.  They have been concerned and talked to DS about needing to eat, but they have never suggested that we needed to take additional action.  So, we didn't.  My sister was critical of the pediatricians' lack of effort in regard to DS's nutrition.  Well, I didn't really know what to do after my sister was pushing me.  And I didn't want to cause DS additional anxiety about food/weight.  So, I didn't do anything different that what we have done for the past 12 yrs.

Something must have changed, however.  And it wasn't something I did.  I think his exposure to middle school PE and locker rooms may have brought HIS attention to his size and general weakness compared to other kids.  I noticed about a month ago that he had gained 5 lbs since his illness (so he was about 64 lbs).  That was really good for him -- to gain 5 lbs (!!) in a few months!  DS suggested that I should buy a new scale (b/c he doesn't like the one we have).  I said "if you get to 70 lbs by the end of spring break, I'll buy you a new scale."  He was totally down for it and he's on the way to doing it!  This is beyond my comprehension -- that he is gaining weight (at least somewhat) and that HE actually cares enough to want to gain!

All I'm saying, OP, is that it's a fine line to know how much to push and when to not push b/c the pushing creates more stress about feeding, which could create more resistance.  I totally feel for you.  If your child's ability to engage with school is fine and she doesn't have an actual physical ailment that requires a feeding tube, I would be very hesitant.  My son isn't on the growth charts yet, but he might grab on to the 5th percentile by the time he hits 13 yrs and 75 lbs.  I think he might actually do it!!!  If a child is fainting or having other problems where they express a distorted view of their body, then that would be reason for me to take additional measures.

I just wanted to give you a little hope that things CAN change.  And that there are other kids out there would have similar numbers.  I still believe in the saying, that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make 'em drink.  Of course, if the horse is in distress, then you hook up an IV!  But, for me, I didn't have the desire to medicalize DS's low weight without some indication of actual distress.[/quote]

I just wanted to point out that the social messages that a middle school boy receives about size and eating are VASTLY different from the social messages that a middle school girl receives.

I also think you were remiss not taking your sister's advice.  Pediatricians miss stuff ALL THE TIME. My friend's pediatrician missed that her child had autism until he was 5 1/2 when a teacher caught it! [/quote]

And what exactly should I have done???  I think you can create more problems pressuring a child to eat than to just let them be.  And apparently, my strategy is working out o.k. since DS has gained 10 lbs in the past 4 mos.  I count that as a huge success... and it did not involve sending him to therapy or inserting a feeding tube or even getting medication (which I did research).  I wonder if OP has high anxiety and is projecting that onto her child and at least in part, exacerbating the daughter's anxiety about eating.[/quote]

No one is saying you should have given him therapy or a feeding tube or medication. Instead of researching options, you could have asked your pediatrician for a referral to a specialist to see if there was something going on with him.

I think you missed the posts by people who said that their doctors have told them that their kids are not on target to reach their genetic potential height because they did not consume enough calories to grow.  Please don't say that OP has high anxiety and is projecting that onto her child - her child has been diagnosed by her medical team as NOT GROWING because she isn't getting enough calories. It is mean to turn around and blame OP for being worried about it.  Any parent would be worried about that.  [/quote]

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