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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you start trying to help or fix your ADHD'ers mistakes, or even half of them, he will get angry and lash out.

He may also develop anxiety and depression.  Ultimately he does not know why he keeps suffering setbacks all the time - either at home or w jobs or both - but over time he usually develops a litany of excuses and victimization theories if left untreated. This is truly a brain disorder, which it is. [/quote]

This is why it is critical to educate people about this disorder. So they recognize it in themselves and so dating partners can recognize it and make an informed choice. [/quote]

Anxiety and depression are hallmarks of ADHD. I read somewhere there are links to both low serotonin and years of living in a world where they can’t measure up, starting in elementary school. This isn’t their fault, and deserves compassion and understanding, although as you say the ADHD person needs to learn to recognize it in himself. Less desirable coping strategies include defensiveness to the point of lying, passive aggressiveness, and escapism. XDH always thought that if he changed to a new job (usually a highly stressful job completely unsuited to his skill set, thank God he never got these jobs), or we moved to a new house or even to different state (never mind neither of us had jobs lined up to support our two kids in this new state), things would miraculously improve. They wouldn’t, of course, because he’d take himself along.

+1 also to the pp who said the ADHD parent thinks he can be the “fun” parent. In my case this extended to undermining my parenting, for example, I told DS to study for an upcoming test because he had a D in the class, and XDH texted DS to ignore me. It was completely screwed up. When XDH left, he tried to get DS to live with him by buying DS a car (in order to avoid child support), but not even that bait could induce DS to live with him instead of me. DS is now in college, he often thanks me for having expectations, he says he thought at the time that his dad just didn’t care, and he keeps saying he wishes he had a male role model. It was totally screwed up. [/quote]

I am the PP for both. Trust me, I know your pain.[/quote]

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