Reply to wife keeps her name

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "wife keeps her name"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I looked forward to taking my husband’s last name. [b]I like the idea of a man being head of the household[/b] even though I am educated and have a nice career. My feeling is why throw the baby with the bath water? I enjoy having a relationship where I am both self-sufficient and protected. I also find it sexier. Androgyny is not sexy. [/quote]

I think the issue is that what you consider the baby is what a lot of us consider the bathwater.

And it's fine to live a life where women are second to men. But just don't call it anything else.[/quote]

I am family oriented, not self oriented. I am fully gratified and my kids are better off.[/quote]

Really admirable that you stick to your family oriented beliefs even when judgemental women try to shame you for it. Keep it up PP :)[/quote]

A last name has nothing to do with being family oriented. [/quote]

I am actually the PP who said I was family oriented, and I agree. It is a fairly trivial thing.  But apparently the poster who responded to me suggested that the idea of a man being the head of the household in this subtle way indicated that women are second to men.  :lol:  That cracked me up.  To me, it is a responsibility more than a privilege to be the head of a household. And it doesn't imply that the wife doesn't work, is subservient, or even secondary. It is like the CEO and the COO being jointly responsible to shareholders in different capacities. [/quote]

I'm a different poster in this thread, not PP, and I did change my name but I don't think they're wrong about the HOH thing. That is the language of misogyny. Because you can say its like the a CEO and a COO (although the CEO gets more prestige and deference) but what is your title? Co HOH?

My husband and I are a unit, there is no head of household. Even if I were a SAHM I wouldn't call my husband the HOH. He is the breadwinner in that scenario, but the term head of household implies some extra authority. The idea that they get to make the final call on things. And I'm not a fan of that, because that is not an egalitarian relationship. And relationships that aren't egalitarian are susceptible to abuse.[/quote]

My husband and I are a unit too, but I disagree with your ideas about the HOH distinction. To me, it confers not only some extra authority but extra [b]responsibility[/b] that I expect my husband to feel for our family. He has a more prestigious career than I do, and I'm fine with that. His prestige benefits me and my kids, and even though there are some perks for him, he is oriented around us and not only himself. Part of his willingness to put us first is due to the perks. That is how life works and how human nature works. I am a competent, educated, and responsible person with a good career, but I am not capable of having a "big" job and focusing on my kids at the same time. Frankly my husband is more capable than me when it comes to sheer ability. I am more than happy to give him HOH status in exchange for his willingness to happily and lovingly (no abuse) confer his status and resources on me and my kids. I am not worried about being taken advantage of because I could fend for myself if the sh*t hit the fan, and I do agree any woman should always be prepared for that.

[/quote]Different poster here.  It sounds like you put him in that position because he is an exemplary individual.  I wouldn't do it myself but I can see doing that. It makes sense. But if you did it just because he's the man and you're the woman, oof, that would be a different matter.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics