Reply to Why do children of a first marriage get priority over the spousal relationship in a second marriage?

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Reply to "Why do children of a first marriage get priority over the spousal relationship in a second marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To all of the people who try to justify their divorces by saying that it's bad for kids to see parents not modeling perfect love:

Step-parents are NOT ideal for kids. They just don't love the kids the same way, and that fact will permeate everything in the future, right on down to how to handle grand-kids.

My own story:

My stepdad and mom got married a few years after my dad died, and my stepdad started running the family business alongside my mom, right in my father's place. He was dead broke at the time, he is now a multi-millionaire. Yet he refused to let me brother enter the family business, as a real father surely would have prioritized. Makes my blood boil thinking about it. 
[/quote]

That's unfair.  While it is true in many cases, it is far from true in all cases.  There are many, many loving step-parents who work with the biological parents to create good environments for their children.

My brother and his first wife divorced when my  nieces were 4 and 6.  My xSIL remarried about 3 years later.  Her new husband and his two boys fully embraced their new blended family.  They and my brother shared holidays and child duties through my nieces' childhoods.  When my nieces were teens, my brother met his now wife, who had 4 kids form her first marriage.  They decided to hold off on getting married until her youngest graduated from high school to avoid any issues with child support, etc.  When they got married, their 6 kids (then ranging from 18-28) were the bridal party.  My nieces are very, very appreciative of their extended family which includes 2 brothers on one side and 3 sisters and another brother on the other side.  My xSIL and her husband have stayed on good terms with my family and recently came and stayed a weekend at our house.  She's still aunt to my younger children and we've had a wonderful blended family.  Both of my niece's step-parents care for them very, very much and consider themselves to be the girls' loving step-parent.  I've known quite a number of blended families where the step-parents work hand-in-hand with the biological parents to create a loving and nurturing relationship.  I've found that as long as the divorced spouses can put the children's needs first, that you get the most loving households for the kids.  Those who prioritize the new marriage over the children are the ones that have the often strained relationships over time.

So, prioritize the children and do what's best for them.  If you and your new significant other can prioritize any children that either of you have before your marriage, then you can marry while they are minors, but otherwise, just date and keep them a priority.  Just remember that you made the commitment to parent these children before you made a commitment to your new spouse.  Honor your commitments.[/quote]

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