Reply to In laws lifestyle 'hobby' vis a vis our children

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP is definitely hurt. Even though she claimed in another post she doesn't care that much.

I would let my kids do the activity with their grandparents- unless it is truly dangerous and then let them know a parent needs to come along. I agree with others that they may be uncomfortable inviting you without DH,since he isn't interested, no invite for you.[/quote]

Sure, fine. That is true. To me, they've taken something I've loved, told me I didn't really "do" it, and are now using it to exclude me, when it would be one of the **very few things***, other than sitting down to a meal,  that all of us could do together. Do you see? But I've realized that I am completely naive, they would never want to do it out of a shared love, but more to teach a social status and techniques from back in the day, that are no longer relevant. Secret handshakes if you will.

Could I get over it, yes. But their whole approach is soooo off-putting. Its like walking into a business meeting and the other person says, "Who the hell are you?!"  and proceeds only to talk about themselves and never even get to the goals of the meeting.

At one time, I thought there would be some connection over a shared love of the activity EVEN IF the way I participated wasn't fancy enough for them...Its not like its soccer! I am struck by the fact they've taken something we could have had in common, and something that could have been a meaningful bridge and shared activity with children, and made it into this.

So it turns me off so much that we simply will not be part of this. It would be a stretch for us financially, and our feeling is the money is best spent elsewhere.  I don't see my children as deriving ANY benefit from this activity, other than a chance to spend time with their grandparents. There are plenty of other activities they can do together, and I can't think of one other one that I wouldn't be fully supportive of. [/quote]

OP, here's the thing. If you did it the way you described -- at a falling-down barn, fixing your own bridles, leasing out your ponies -- you did it even more than they possibly could. I've been around horsey people my entire life, and the ones who breed/groom their own horses, hold for the blacksmith, muck the stalls, scrape money together to enter shows, stay up with a sick horse, etc. etc., they are the real horsey folk. I'm disturbed by your comment that you find your family's efforts to enable you to ride growing up "embarrassing."

Anyway, just saying I would reframe it in my mind as you are the real horsewoman and they're the fakers. (They probably already know that.) Take your kids to the barn yourself. If the inlaws invite your kids, just say, "They don't really know what they're doing yet, so I'd rather come along since I grew up riding." If they balk, tell them they can come out for a hack at the falling-down fire hazard barn down the road.  :) [/quote]

Thanks :)

The thing is, our ponies died, our property is gone, the barn no longer exists. So essentially its with them, on their terms, which seems to exclude me, or doing it at a equestrian center + club, which is something else I don't really love the idea of. Essentially I am ready to let it be something I enjoyed in my youth, but not a key thing in our family life moving forward. For the record, I am NOT embarrassed by my background or how we did things. I let them embarass me, though, more than once, and that is why I used the term.

When someone asked how they could mock me when I had never even participated, they invited me once, and when we went to saddle up - OOPS! they were one pony short!!! How did that happen??!!! off they went. Including someone WHO HAD NEVER ridden before.

And yes, there was a snicker or two. It was so painfully pathetically mean spirited.

I got to hang out in an empty barn on a wet cold day nowhere near anything and just sit on the floor. Evenutally after an hour or so, I got up and just walked a couple miles til I hit a road, and then found a gas station and a payphone, went to a restaurant to have a cup of soup, and finally got the courage to call my husband and ask him to come pick me up. We left their farm that day before they came back. 
[/quote]

I don't understand this story at all. I would have called my husband ASAP and told him what happened. And that would have been that. Not walked miles, had a cup of soup and worked up the courage to call my spouse. [/quote]

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