Reply to "Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]O.p here again. I've been thinking about this more and my feeling of disconnection from him is not simply related to the sex, though that is the most glaringly obvious. The other thing about him is that he is not introspective. He's very much a "doer."[/quote]

This isn't a bad balance to have in a relationship.  One person is the thinker/dreamer and the other is the do-er.  I think my DH and I are like this.

[quote]If I want to vent to him about work or family or friends, he doesn't seem to get that I just want to pour my feelings out without him trying to "fix" it. [/quote]

Tell him.  Every time you vent and he tries to "fix it," explain that you just need someone to vent at, and that he is helping you "fix it" by just listening.  MANY people will want to "fix it" when the person they love is unhappy.  It's not just your DH.

[quote]He doesn't like to discuss his emotions or his opinions on social issues. He thinks it's boring navel gazing. [/quote]

You've said he's a committed family man.  Does he like to discuss how you'll approach social issues with your kids?  Instead of saying, "OMG, can you believe that Vanity Fair photo shoot of Caitlyn Jenner?" you could say, "How do you think we should discuss transgender issues with the kids as they get older?"  Frame it in a way that it'll be interesting to BOTH of you and I bet you'll make more progress with him.

[quote]He hates web sites like slate or salon or opinion pieces. [/quote]

Oh, c'mon, OP.  Just c'mon.  I'm pretty liberal and I have to be honest, *I* hate a lot of the stuff that Slate and Salon publish.  It's clickbait.

[quote]He doesn't like to gossip (which, I know people usually don't admit to enjoying that but I do, especially after a party). He doesn't like to "speculate" which is what he calls my attempts to discuss what might happen to people we know, etc.[/quote]

:roll:

Find a girlfriend to "speculate" with.

[quote]He doesn't drink. [/quote]

Many partners of alcoholics will tell you what a good thing this is.  You said yourself in your original post that he has a good sense of humor, so clearly he doesn't need alcohol to have a good time.  I honestly cannot think of any other objection you'd have to someone who doesn't drink.

[quote]He's not very complicated. He does his job, comes home and wants to eat dinner/futz about in the garden/play with the kids. And this is what makes him completely happy! I guarantee you if you asked him to rate our marriage 1-10 he'd say 8 +.[/quote]

In other words, the things that make him happy are work, family, and home.

The things that make YOU happy are drama, being tossed around in bed, not being secure in a relationship.

Your DH sounds like a good person who wants a happy life.  I honestly hope that you get yourself into individual therapy.  I truly think you would benefit from talking with someone.[/quote]

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