Reply to Making time for kids? Study says quality trumps quantity

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So, I've SAH and worked part time.  The rub for me is that you can't predetermine what the hours you spend with your child will actually be like.  That is, how can you "plan" for "quality" time?  Usually, the best hours with my kids happen randomly, or during our unscheduled time, or for 30 blissful minutes before someone does a 180 and starts to have a meltdown.  I think it's a BS study.  But I think all of the studies and books are BS.  If you are a researcher or have your PhD in child psychology, I'm sure you will tell me I'm wrong.  But I don't care.  I know my kids and I know that our quality time is totally unpredictable and precious.  Which is why I try to be around them as much as possible. [/quote]

Look, I've stayed home, I've worked part-time, I've been a student parent, and I've worked full-time. All had their pluses and minuses. I don't really have much of a stake in the mommy wars as I've been all over the place, but what PP wrote above is the sort of thing that is used to throw shade on working moms and try to make them feel guilty. In my experience good parents have great connections with their kids regardless of what they do and when they do it. Different schedules enable different kinds of connections at different moments. The random good moments will happen if you work or don't work. I think some parents who haven't done both for extended periods of time (or with the right supports in place) just don't understand this.

I think the outcome of this study is totally obvious to anybody who spends a lot of time with older kids and teens. Steady, loving, emotionally available and involved parents often have kids who are kind, emotionally healthy children, but that doesn't have a lot to do with working or not. I realize as SAHMs it can be hard to accept that conclusion, but I think it can be very freeing too. Just enjoy your time with your children, don't make it about how X number of hours equates to Y level of emotional health or Z level of child accomplishments, because that's just nutty and crazymaking. Staying home is great for its own sake, no need to turn it into a formula or something. [/quote]

"Just enjoy your time with your children"?
What about the unpleasant work of parenting?
Dump the hard part on the nanny or teacher?

There we have it.

[/quote]

Ah. I see your issue. When I stayed home or when I worked, [b]I did not consider it unpleasant even when it was hard. [/b]I have consistently enjoyed parenting no matter my employment status and no matter how hard it was. I am sorry you find being with your children unpleasant. I can see how that would make you angry and resentful of other parents who don't. [/quote]

From a lady currently SAH who just changed her clothes for the second time today because they were covered in her son's barf (again), I respectfully call "bullshit." If you don't think getting covered in vomit is unpleasant, you have a problem.[/quote]

I am PP. I've been covered in disgusting substances more times than I can count. But that's not the hard part of parenting, nor is it especially unpleasant in the scheme of things. It's transitory. It doesn't leave emotional scars. It's a quickly solvable problem. If you think being covered in vomit is the hardest part of parenting, you aren't too far into it or you are a very delicate person. So no, I didn't find that stage of parenting very unpleasant. A little vomit doesn't even register in my list of problems. [/quote]

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