Reply to If DH is a law firm partner, must I be the default parent?

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Reply to "If DH is a law firm partner, must I be the default parent?"

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[quote=Anonymous]While not absolutely necessary in all cases, generally the non-biglaw spouse is the default parent.  DH and I met at a law firm and realized that we jointly wanted to be thoughtful about how to make things work with kids.  I'm now at a much more flexible job, still in law, and am for the most part the default parent.  If his absence due to being at a firm is too much at some point, though, there's no expectation that I would stay home and be the 100% parent while he goes missing.  We've agreed that, if either of if isn't happy over a period of time, we'll both figure out what's best for the family.  That may mean his leaving the firm for a more flexible or less stressful position, whether because he wants to or because I have a good opportunity or I'd generally like the space to ramp back up at work.  And I may ramp up into a more stable position if he'd prefer that we not need to rely as much on his income.  Or, we're very open to having a different economic lifestyle from what we enjoy now, and we've already fully funded college and retirement, so we could both slow down or concentrate on public service work.  For us, the key is to be flexible, both emotionally and financially.  I don't feel beholden to my DH's firm job just because it currently brings in the big bucks, and he doesn't feel he's committed to a life of intense work because he knows I"m happy to ramp back up if he wants to take a less stressful job.  We're partners, and know we'll work it out.

And to those who say OP should suck it up because she married a lawyer and should have known the path her marriage would take, I think you are misinformed.  Many, many lawyers work at a firm for years to pay off loans, get experience, and rack up some cash, then leave to have a more balanced life once they are more financially comfortable or kids come along.  There's no reason, unless they agreed ahead of time, that OP would have had reason to assume her job would need to take such a back seat for such a long time just because her DH is a lawyer.  I say this as a former litigator at a major firm married to another litigator at a major firm.

Also, every law practice is different.  Your schedule depends not only on your area of practice (litigation, corporate, advisory, etc.), but also on the size and location of your clients, whether their matters are DC-based (or national or international) and how your firm does staffing.  So, really, while there are many similarities, comparing a partner's workload and flexibility to that of another lawyer may not be the most helpful approach as it's likely an apples to oranges comparison.

Good luck t you and your family, OP.  [/quote]

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