Reply to I was seen multi dating by the guy I like more

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So here is my update and  I don’t know if it's going better or not. So anyway I called him today and convinced him to get together. When we met he was just not in a talky mood so I sort of started the conversation.

I told him that I understand how lousy he must have felt when he saw me with the other guy and that I was sorry which I am.  I also told him that when I saw him I realized that I should have been out with him and not guy 2.

I also said that I didn’t know how serious he was about me and that I didn’t know if he was dating anybody else. He kind of got weird and said that he was serious enough that he wasn’t dating anyone else and that he hadn’t since we started going out together. He figured I was doing the same thing. He said he thought we were a couple and then also said “big mistake on his part".

He’s also concluded in his head that I had sex with the other guy. I came clean and admitted it but didn’t go into details. He wanted to know how long I’ve known guy 2 and I said I met guy 2 a bit before him.

Then came (in his mind) the big issue of why we haven’t  “done it.”  I tried to explain that I wanted to go slower so that we got to know each other better and to see if we could be a couple together (which I so totally do). I didn’t want to have sex early so that our relationship would not start just based on sex.

He wanted to know if I found him attractive and I said of course I did (which I also absoloutely do).  He got kind of sarcastic I think and said something like obviously guy 2 must have been more attractive if I had sex with him and fast.  I tried to explain that there were no feelings with guy 2 and that it was just physical.  He asked me if I thought it was cool for us to “date” while I was “having sex” with the other guy.  I said no and apologized again for hurting his feelings.

He said he thought we were serious and that this has really thrown him a curve ball.  He admitted that I could do whatever I wanted and that I was my own person and all that but he said that he feels like the “lesser man.”  He actually used those exact words.  He then left to get back to the office.

So that’s where I am. He didn’t break things off but he really does feel hurt. How do I make him realize that he’s NOT the lesser man and that it’s him I want an exclusive  relationship with?
[/quote]

OP - well, first, that was incredibly upstanding of you to come clean.  As for what can (should) you do next, I'm in different camp of thought than PPs^.  I'd give him space - he has to figure out what he is the next step.  You are in a really tough spot b/c the inclination is to prove/show him how much he means to you.  But that may push him further in the bad part of his mind - that you're feeling guilty and all of your effort now, though seemingly genuine and real, is simply to have him excuse your fling with guy #2.  You can't change that in his mind - we men don't get that logic that it's only physical with the other guy - so don't go down that road.

If you were my daughter, I'd say tell him one more time how you really feel, but maintain your dignity.  It sucks b/c it's going to hurt - and if things don't turn out it will hurt even more.  But you've come clean, and you did it in a very mature and stand-up manner but you don't need to grovel.

~divorced dad[/quote]

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