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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The reason there is so much disagreement as to OP's reaction is because we have no context for the event.

There are several possibilities.  It could truly have been intended as a prank, with the girls having no mean intent and maybe even doing it in a spirit of fondness for OP's daughter. In fact, when I was a kid, it was desirable to be the subject of a prank at a sleepover, because we pranked the "popular" kid, so it is possible they really like OP's daughter and were trying to make her laugh.  If that is that circumstance, some people would have laughed it off, some would have been mildly annoyed, and others would feel horribly hurt.  The girls may have misjudged how OP's daughter would react, and took it too far.  If they are generally nice girls and felt bad when they realized that OP's daughter was really upset, then it is no big deal.  They now know that OP's daughter is on the sensitive side and have also learned a valuable lesson that this kind of thing isn't really all that funny.

On the other hand, if they were doing it with malicious intent, then that is a whole different matter.  But that also has to be handled, as others have suggested, by OP's daughter (at least in the first instance).

But not all teasing/pranks/hazing is malicious.  It can be a form of bonding, it can be a way to have fun and have a battle of wits, and it can be totally harmless.  It's our job as parents to teach our kids first and foremost that there is a hard or "objective" line that must not be crossed.  Anything dangerous, permanently destructive of property, or intended to shame/humiliate/ostracize is clearly not ok.  Beyond that, there IS some gray area and to pretend that there isn't ignores all reality.  Kid have to learn to make good decisions based on an understanding of the personalities involved and the underlying spirit and intent of their actions.  For example, when I was in college my roommate and I had a series of ongoing pranks with some other kids in our dorm.  It was fun and was really a contest of who could be the most clever.  It was not mean spirited and we had fun razzing each other.  We looked forward to being pranked with almost as much anticipation as we looked forward to pranking others.  Similarly, the "hazing" in my Greek house was totally silly and I never felt in danger or humiliated.  I remember being led around the house in a blindfold and being told to kneel in "broken glass" (crushed potato chips) and recite the house pledge backwards.  No one actually thought we were in any kind of danger.

We all know those adults who say mean things and then try to pass it off as a joke.  Not ok.  But many of us also have relationships with friends where we can tease and we know it is ok.  It's a matter of having emotional intelligence and learning how to read a situation.
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I agree with you. It is actually pretty amazing to me how many responders on here can't possibly fathom that this might not have been malicious. That they have never played any form of jokes or pranks with their friends or family and that those things are considered bullying in their homes. This thread has actually made me talk to my kids about how even though we joke around at home, that other people find that very, very offensive and so they need to find out first if the other person has a sense of humor and if they parents joke with them before ever joking or doing any pranks with them. They told me they already know whcih kids in their class don't get jokes and get mad if you joke with them so they steer clear. [/quote]

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