Reply to Can’t get husband to help with Easter.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

[b]If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa[/b]. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP. [/quote]

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy. [/quote]

LOL, nope. Not if it’s celebrating a religious holiday when you are not a part of that religion.

All of a sudden, if my husband told me we were going to make a big, effort-filled expensive Dwali celebration, I’d tell him to go for it and have fun but I’m not doing that. [/quote]
Dumb comparison. Secular Easter celebrations, like secular Christmas celebrations are established annual rituals for a large percentage of American families. Nothing like deciding out of the blue to celebrate a new holiday that has nothing to do with family traditions.[/quote]

They really aren’t though. [/quote]

Not prior poster, but what the hell do you even mean?[/quote]

PP said large percentage of Americans celebrate secular Easter. It is not true a that large percentage of Americans celebrate Easter as a purely secular holiday as OP wishes to do. [/quote]

...it really is, though.  Everyone I know who is a secular "Christian" (as in, not specifically of another religion, and whose relatives and/or ancestors are/ were Christian) does Easter baskets.  Only about 20% of people I know who fit under the "Christian" umbrella attend church on Easter.  And since Easter really is the Big Show in terms of importance in Christianity... I can only assume those people are not religious at all.  But they still do Easter baskets and Easter brunch.  It's incredibly common.  Just like celebrating Christmas with a tree and gifts as a secular Christian without attending church. [/quote]

Another person who refuses to look out from their own little world view. Let me guess - you’ve never actually looked up the stats but decided your own experience is sufficient to tell you about how Americans spend Easter?[/quote]
DP.  Google says 13% of Americans celebrate a purely secular Easter, while another 19% celebrate both religious and secular Easter traditions.  So we have about 1/3 of Americans presumably doing something similar to OP with baskets and eggs.  That is indeed a large percentage, not that this pedantic argument has anything to do with OP’s failure to plan or her DH’s inability to follow through competently on what seems to have been a tradition for their family since their teen was young. The fact that other families view Easter as an important religious holiday has absolutely nothing to do with OP’s situation, regardless of the percentages involved.[/quote]

What was the religious part of OP’s day? She’s in the 13%.[/quote]
Religion is utterly unimportant to this question. Again, the percentages are beside the point, but she is in the 32% of people (or much higher percent if she lives in a neighborhood of the sort most DCUM posters come from) who have been giving their kids Easter baskets and arranging egg hunts since they were born.  Family traditions are important to kids, and both OP and her DH screwed this one up. [/quote]

I am the person you are responding to. It was said in this discussion that a majority of Americans celebrate secular Easter and that it is standard UMC fare. I suggested people look up the percentages because I knew that was bunk. (13% is small minority).

Thank you for showing it’s bunk but you knew you needed to peddle a different than direction, so decided to lump non-religious OP in with those who celebrate a combined secular and non secular Easter. Why? That’s not OP. Because OP’s neighbors celebrating religiously, she should be included in that percentage? Nonsense.

You know that it’s nonsense which is why you have shifted the argument entirely and say it’s about the family tradition. One member of the household doesn’t unilaterally set family tradition, particularly when the oldest kid is a teen. Traditions should bring joy to the whole house, which this most certainly does not.[/quote]

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