Reply to Is This the Norm? My Husband Says I’m Wrong

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I find this story so hard to believe because I have two daughters late in high school and they and their friends consider any man older than early 20s to be a hideous geriatric dad type. How would you meet a 40 year old while still in high school, be dumb enough to sleep with him and then marry him within months? Do you not have any friends or family smacking any sense into you? Wasn’t this embarrassing to everyone at the time?[/quote]

Well, all teenagers arent like that  I don’t think 40 is old, and why is it dumb to sleep and marry with someone that you love? [/quote]

It is dumb for a teenager to sleep with a 40 year old divorced dad of 3. It is dumb to get pregnant within a few months of dating such a man. Is is dumb to get married as a pregnant teenager and expect that you will be treated respectfully especially if you never have a job or contribute [/quote]

What's wrong with being divorced or 40? Neither was an issue for me. I genuinely wanted to date him (not just sleep with him), and I did. There’s nothing foolish about marrying someone who intends to marry you, regardless of whether you're pregnant or not. I wasn't a teenager/kid,  and none of this is tied to having a job.[/quote]

You said you were 18, isn’t that a teenager?

The fact that you haven’t had any job means you are entirely financially dependent on your much older husband who gets to control your spending on vacations. You have no other options as a pregnant teen bride.

It is very unusual for an unwed 18 year old to get pregnant by a 40 year old, as much as you think this was a great idea most teenagers and anyone who cares about them does not.[/quote]

I’m not like most other teens—I made my own decisions. I wouldn’t call my 18-year-old self a teenager, and I didn’t think like one either. An 18-year-old getting pregnant by a 40-year-old isn’t unheard of, and for me, it wasn’t a dumb decision. We’re still married and raising our child together—that’s the point I’m making.[/quote]

You are still married and raising a kid together, but he is not kind to you and he doesn't exhibit appropriate interest in his kid with you.

I am the first wife who has gone on vacation with my exH and our 2 kids.  I know his second wife didn't like it.  I think she thought he was still interested in me or thought that we might fool around.  Nothing could have been further from the truth. I had zero interest in him, in fact, I had a fair amount of antipathy I was suppressing, but I wanted my kids to have the experience of vacationing with their Dad.  They were young then, but even now I encourage him to vacation with them without his second wife, who, TBH, isn't very kind or welcoming or caring toward them.

[b]You should let your husband vacation with his older kids for a couple weeks[/b], but he should make sure you have extra support for your parenting while he is gone, and he should make sure to have at least a week away with your kid and you plus a couple weekends throughout the year.  Less than that and he is really showing his own child with you that he doesn't care about the kid.  It's a form of parental neglect that can be really hurtful to a child.  It was very hard to watch my kids experience this, and had he ever had kids with his second wife, I wouldn't have wished that pain on her or another child. [/quote]

OP is not in any position to "let" her husband do anything. He seems to do whatever the hell he wants, and controls what she does too. It's not a good dynamic, as she has no power in this relationship, and it certainly is not collaborative.

OP, get yourself an education. And a job. You will always be under his thumb so long as you are financially dependent on him.[/quote]

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