Reply to How to communicate to parents about reason of estrangement so they can stop the “we have no idea”?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You have a weird idea of no contact. Stop contacting them if you want to be no contact.[/quote]

The interactions described was before NC.   - OP[/quote]

But you want to contact them again to explain no contact. Leave them alone. And also they gave you the TL, DR treatment because 5 pages (was it front and back?) might have been too much.[/quote]

Because I love them, and their time on earth is getting shorter and shorter, and it makes me sad, but yes, you are correct.  - OP

It's just not that easy to let go[/quote]

It is not easy to let go. My father was financially successful, but hated me with a fierce passion. Always called me fat dumb and lazy, and inexplicably, gay (not the case).  Consistently abused. I reacted relatively calmly and at  18 and left for university entirely on my own, financially and otherwise. Attended university on an athletic scholarship and did very well academically in both undergrad and grad. A professional success with two great kids and a long marriage. I couldn’t build a life with my father around.

After five decades of no contact, a friend of his called me to inform me he passed away. I did not go to the memorial service because I didn’t really know him. I determined my closure was in understanding there would be no closure.

Over the decades I wanted to have a fatherly connection but I had to be logical and realize it wasn’t possible. You have to walk your own path. It isn’t easy.

I was much more involved with my mother. It wasn’t a parent child relationship. She was an unemployed severe addict in my teen years and throughout my 20’s, and I stood by her out of fear of if I didn’t she wouldn’t have made it. She was a kind person but never adulted throughout her life. I loved her though so I had the emotions of frustrated expectations. I actually st times found the no contact thing with my father less turbulent.

I had a twin brother who passed away prematurely and who was grossly favored by both my parents. A brilliant athlete and scholar who achieved general wealth on his own, he lived to dominate to overcome his circumstances- it killed him as living a life with the intensity of a 100 suns takes its toll. He had nothing to do with either my mother or father. I was a boundary setter for him - the only one in his life. Clearly I failed. Being the grossly disfavored twin was a blessing- it made leaving much easier. [/quote]

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