Reply to Breaking up with my toxic mom group (Ashley Tisdale essay)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Per Reddit “ I follow Ashley, Hilary, and Mandy on IG. I noticed a shift around the time of the fires in California last year. Mandy’s family was affected by the fires. Her, her husband and their children all lived with Hilary for a couple of months due to the fire damage in their home. Other members of Mandy’s family completely lost their homes. I remember Ashley being super tone deaf around this time posting about how grateful she was that she wasn’t affected by the fires and continued talking about plans to build her vacation home. She wasn’t pictured with the mom group again after this. I have a feeling that that affected her relationship within the mom group.”[/quote]

Eh, it's not straightforward. Mandy Moore posted a link to her brother's Go Fund Me after the fires (he also lost his house) which was ALSO tone deaf because why the hell is Mandy Moore asking her fans to donate money so that her [rich] brother can rebuild his Palisades house, when she is also rich? I feel bad for anyone who loses their house in a fire, of course that is going to be very hard to deal with and move on from, but also have some self awareness as a wealthy celebrity -- these people have resources most people do not have. So accusing Tisdale of being "tone deaf" is odd to me because being tone deaf is kind of a broad Hollywood quality.

The way this reads to me is that Hillary and Mandy were the Queen Bees of their friend group, and that the expectation when Mandy's house burned down is that all the other women in the group would fall all over themselves trying to help her (even though Mandy has enough resources to largely just help herself). It was a competition to prove how devoted you were to the Queen. And Ashley didn't play that game for whatever reason (maybe she was oblivious, maybe she knew what was going on and found it lame, maybe she was already sick of this group, maybe she specifically dislikes Mandy, who knows) and her punishment was that everyone closed ranks against her.

In a toxic group like this, it's always "rules for thee but not for me" from the people at the top of the hierarchy. It *is* toxic, and trying to get the public on the side of the Queen Bees is just an extension of that toxic behavior. You really want to convince me that Mandy Moore and Hillary Duff are victims here? Please. There are no victims. It's just a bunch of petty people trying to one up each other (and yeah, Tisdale was trying to one up when she wrote the essay -- that doesn't mean she's wrong about the underlying dynamics though).[/quote]

This sounds so right.

My husband’s boss lost her house in a flood a few years ago.  She’s an orthopedic surgeon and could afford to replace things.  I thought it was crazy to give her money when so many other poor people needed it, but DH spent $700 replacing his boss kid’s legos.  Honestly, he was right to do it.  I don’t think she explicitly said anything, but it clearly changed her perspective of him.  [/quote]

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