Reply to How to respond when kid gets into school and is Legacy

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why can’t he be gracious and say something to acknowledge that legacy may have helped? He can shrug and say, “Yeah, I’m sure it helped, even if it’s not enough by itself without the other stuff like grades, etc.”

Congrats to your son, and please realize it’s spur grapes from students who aren’t lucky enough to have a non-merit-based small thumb on the scale. The system isn’t fair and that is what it is. Your son can be kind in this scenario and not take it personally. [/quote]

Why should he be gracious here? They haven’t done anything that deserves grace.

I’d tell my kid to tell them to F off.  That’s the response that comment deserves. Preferably while wearing the sweatshirt of the college that rejected them. [/quote]

Do you always teach your kid to lie?[/quote]

How is telling them to F off a lie?

Fine I would tell them to say “yes I got in because my parents were legacies. If your parents weren’t stupid they could have attended the school too and then you would have been a legacy. Sucks for you.”

You want these kids to wear a hairshirt because they had a legacy tip. You telling your kid to wear one because you’re well off? [/quote]

Your defensiveness is telling. Frankly there is simply too much data out about how much preference legacies get. You can’t lie to the world any more, and you are angry about that. But you refuse to tell your child the truth about his significant admissions preference, and so prefer to teach him to go though life deeply entitled. [/quote]

Defensiveness? Are you literate? I literally wrote they should say “yes I got in because my parents were legacies”

In fact I would tell them to apply because they have a better shot because they’re legacy even if it isn’t their first choice.  And then after they get in I tell them to apply wherever else they want to go instead. I’m sorry you don’t have anything similar to offer your kid. Maybe you should have been more of a striver in high school. Sometimes the consequences of your laziness don’t appear for years I guess.

In any event, I think you’re misreading it because you refuse to believe that some people are perfectly comfortable owing their situation and don’t feel any shame in it. It’s really a simple calculation - their chance of getting in at my alma mater is 5-6x better than elsewhere so it’s an easy call.

I’m not going to feel the need to tell my kids to spare some kid’s feelings who is being a jerk no matter how much you want our kids to beat themselves up over it. [/quote]

DP. Why is the other kid being a jerk for stating the obvious—which you acknowledge? You admit that your kid got in because he’s a legacy (which you also seem to attribute to all of the hard work you put in during your high school years). But the other kid is a jerk for saying exactly the same thing out loud? If you truly owned your privilege, there would be no need to attack others as you’re been doing. [/quote]

DP. Exactly, that’s the game. OP knew this from the outset, and tailored their strategy to being legacy.

It could be more stark than a HS put down. My nephew did legacy ED, and his twin sister lapped him by getting in RD but attending elsewhere. They’re about to finish up, he went through the motions but never gained confidence, doesn’t plan to work in major. She’s continued the trajectory, found a major she loved, great internships, study abroad, honors.[/quote]

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