Reply to What’s the best housing situation during divorce?

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Reply to "What’s the best housing situation during divorce?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How long have you been bouncing around? Why did you file for divorce without a plan for where to live with your children? [/quote]

It’s only been ~7 weeks and some of that was spent traveling for work on trips that have been planned since last spring, so it’s time that has always been planned around me being away for work.

I’m making the plan now. It would have been wasteful to spend money on a lease before I really needed it.[/quote]

Only would be wasteful if you didn't value having custody with your kids.  You have just demonstrated that they weren't important enough to you to spend time with them and make them feel at home with you during [b]the hardest moment in their lives[/b].  But this is actually super helpful for everyone to see, as you clearly can't be more than an every other weekend dad.  Get furnished and let them choose some accents that they love - you don't care enough to make it a true home for them.[/quote]

This is hard for me and arguably for their mom, but it is not hard for the kids. Their lives aren’t changing and they still have two parents who love them and friends and school and their activities. If anything this is the moment in their lives when everything is getting better.[/quote]

Oh my God. Your custody evaluation is going to go *so badly*.

Tell me again why they refuse to unpack at your house, if their life is great and they aren't having a hard time.[/quote]

They don’t bring anything over and won’t stay over, presumably because their mother is preventing them from doing so. The custody evaluator will see that. My wife is going to come across as emotional and not able to support the kids. I can provide the financial stability they need.[/quote]

It isn't hard for the kids?:??   Their father just left their family and decided that work was more important than being with them for the transition.  It is incredibly hard for them.  But it is good that you prioritized work now if that is your goal.  You are now just a $$$ dad.[/quote]

That’s a bunch of nonsense. The transition has hardly started and if they want a roof over their head, I have to work. I don’t have a choice.

It really isn’t hard for them. I’m the one juggling work with finding an entire new house and dealing with huge expenses and legal obligations. They go to school and to fun activities and see their friends. They are fine. [/quote]

You don't think their refusal to unpack or enter their new bedrooms indicates [b]anything of concern[/b]?

If juggling all of this is hard for you, maybe more advance planning would have helped. Advance planning is an important part of parenting, so you're going to have to learn to do it. [/quote]

Yes, it brings up concerns that the kids are too lazy to set up their rooms because they’re spoiled by their mother, and won’t go into them because she’s told them not to.
[/quote]
Didn’t you say your kids are 10 and 12? Be careful, they’re getting close to the ages where a judge won’t force them to spend time with you and it sure doesn’t seem like they want to.[/quote]

It’s 18 in my state.[/quote]

So you'll be happy as long as they're coerced into your presence? You don't care if they actually enjoy it at all?

Legally it may be 18 but I think you'll find it quite difficult to coerce a 17 year old, even if a judge is willing.[/quote]

My 14yr old regularly declines visits and refuses to spend time with her father. These kids are going to do the same thing in just a few years. [/quote]

My attorney said that as soon as the custody evaluation is done and we have a parenting plan in place, their mother can be held in contempt if the kids don’t sho up where they are required to.[/quote]

Again, is showing up the only goal, or do you aspire to have a good relationship? Because courts will not blame the mom for every instance of teenage rudeness that occurs when she isn't even present. You need to take some responsibility here and stop blaming everything on their mother. Maybe some of this is your fault. Because nobody's perfect, right?[/quote]

One of the hallmarks of high conflict personalities is splitting people into all-good or all-bad. OP is all-good. OP's spouse is all-bad. Kids will end up one or the other depending on if they behave like good little automatons or not. And their status can change from day-to-day. Only thing that will stay the same is that OP is all-good.

This divorce is going to be incredibly awful for their kids. I hope their mother is a good protective parent, and not also high conflict.[/quote]

I promise  you that any conflict is coming from my wife. I’ve said from the beginning to her that I want this to be easy and cooperative. She’s the one getting in the way of that.[/quote]

And I’ll add that she is the one who ran out and hired her own attorney when that really wasn’t even necessary. It wasn’t adversarial until she did that. [/quote]

Not adversarial but you're too petty to pick up a box of ornaments?[/quote]

She’s the one who’s too petty to store them in OUR huge house.[/quote]

If you're not petty, go get it.[/quote]

Her attorney told my attorney I had to stop using my keys and coming over, so no, I can’t just go get my stuff even if I had space for it.

My wife actually threw a huge inappropriate tantrum about it. I could file a motion for access to the house or to have it completely but I’m not going to be a jerk at Christmas and it would take a while to get a hearing anyway. [/quote]

Your wife will be the luckiest woman on earth to be rid of you and your boorish personality.  [/quote]

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