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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Married man here. Not one of the lucky ones.  I’m the higher libido spouse who maybe has intimacy twice a month     (maybe). So watching it every so often is can be relief. Nothing crazy and it doesn’t interfere. Likely not aware though.

[b]Also, my wife isn’t comfortable with much more than missionary. So interest on spicing it up with a toy, new position, etc. I should add that she has never had an O. And doesn’t care.[/b]

Of course it’s not realistic. However, by watching it, I get to see what that looks like while getting a release. [/quote]

Ooof. Not much you can do with a starfish. And the fact that she doesn’t care is the real problem. Sex simply is not, and will never be, important to her. The future is bleak, and you will have choices to make.[/quote]

How do I distinguish between normal factors middle aged couples with kids that can possibly be addressed versus a fundamental mismatch that cannot be overcome. In others words, should I concede and consider other options? Do I even bother keeping trying? For example, by sexy lingerie?

Is there. a way subtly, or not so subtly, of testing her?

1.
Low libido 
pre menopause 
Busy with kids and work
Agrees being intimate is important
Old fashioned

Vs.

2.
Biological challenges with feeling pleasure (claims parts don’t work that way)
Asexual tendencies
Secretly want to try  some kink or alternative relationship, but too ashamed to share 
Other factors [/quote]

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