Reply to If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.

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Reply to "If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sex means a great deal more than physical release, a connection, a fun activity.  We convince ourselves otherwise, but its design remains the same.  
It is crucial to understand that sex is not SOLELY for procreation, but it needs to be respected for its power of possible procreation in order to understand it at all.  So IF you are going to make love to a woman, you should be doing so with the appreciation for her WHOLE PERSON, which includes her mind, her heart, her soul, her body, her potential fertility.  If you are making love to anything less than her whole self, you are selling sex short.  You are disrespecting her.  And she will know that on some deep level.
This applies no matter who you are, what you believe, whether you want children or not.  Because it's the way sex was made.  It's our nature.  
Now, if you start at the beginning, you'd say "free, total, faithful, open"?!?!  That's asking a lot!  I just want to get off!  I'm not that deep or complicated!  You'd be dismissive.
But work your way backwards.  Look at DCUM.  Look at your unfulfilling sex life.  You KNOW something is missing.  You KNOW there is something better out there.
The truth is the truth even if no one believes it.  A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it.  Our human race operates on a lot of collective lies about sex.  Sometimes I despair that things are too far gone to ever be righted.  But my hope is that people will listen to that primal urge for something more, something better.  Because we were made for so much more than using one another to get off.
This is especially true in a marriage.  Because then you have at least the assumption that sex is all of those things, the physical embodiment of marriage vows.  So when spouses lie to one another with the language of their bodies, in the context of daily interactions that either build up or tear down the wedding vows, the desecration of sex is that much more painful and has even greater consequences.
Is this any easier to follow, OP?[/quote]

OP here. Bear with me here, I'm dense.  I don't see how embracing this (new to me) concepts of love will make my sex life more fufilling.  I'm seeing all these theories about what love/sex is suppose to be.  That's great.  How does embracing these ideals get a LD spouse to "put out" more?  If I subscribe to these ideal and get DW to subscribe also, will it mean we will have more sex?   Or will it mean I will ACCEPT than less sex is suddenly ok and not be resentful?   It's like a receipe to follow but the cake might not turn out liek its suppose to.  You know?[/quote]

Candidly, OP, I think few here will explicitly state it, but many of the people responding think exactly that:  that the problem is that you won't accept the "natural" evolution of marriage to a low-sex state.  Most of the posters here are female, and few females, with some exceptions upthread, really empathize with the needs of an HD spouse.  Rather, they are concerned with being on the other side of this and are kind of lashing out.  I think you should consider counseling, but be warned that counseling may simply clarify the fact that the problem is not solvable, and then you will need to figure out what to do.  Don't expect sympathy here, it is not really the most friendly forum to someone in your situation.  [/quote]

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