Reply to If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.

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Reply to "If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]OP here. That was very deep. You obviously have put much thought into sex. I know my understanding of sex is very limited if I'm gonna use all that you said. Honestly, what you wrote was too deep and too surfer -like zen for me to get. But thanks for trying anyway.[/quote]

OP, they aren't my ideas that I made up.  And they are profound, but simple.  I'll try a different explanation.

Say that you are out on the town, at a bar after work, and an attractive woman catches your eye.  She exchanges looks during the night, and then saunters up to you, takes your hand, and says "I want to have sex with you."

How would that make you feel?  Flattered?  Excited?  Interested?  Aroused?

OK, same situation.  Beautiful woman.  Clearly flirting.  Comes up to you, gazes into your eyes, and whispers, "I want to have a baby with you."

How would that make you feel?  Freaked the hell out?  Disturbed?  Disgusted?  Frightened?

Why?  You would be engaging in sex with this woman either way.  The exact same act.  What does this tell you about sex?

Sex means a great deal more than physical release, a connection, a fun activity.  We convince ourselves otherwise, but its design remains the same.

It is crucial to understand that sex is not SOLELY for procreation, but it needs to be respected for its power of possible procreation in order to understand it at all.  So IF you are going to make love to a woman, you should be doing so with the appreciation for her WHOLE PERSON, which includes her mind, her heart, her soul, her body, her potential fertility.  If you are making love to anything less than her whole self, you are selling sex short.  You are disrespecting her.  And she will know that on some deep level.

This applies no matter who you are, what you believe, whether you want children or not.  Because it's the way sex was made.  It's our nature.

Now, if you start at the beginning, you'd say "free, total, faithful, open"?!?!  That's asking a lot!  I just want to get off!  I'm not that deep or complicated!  You'd be dismissive.

But work your way backwards.  Look at DCUM.  Look at your unfulfilling sex life.  You KNOW something is missing.  You KNOW there is something better out there.

The truth is the truth even if no one believes it.  A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it.  Our human race operates on a lot of collective lies about sex.  Sometimes I despair that things are too far gone to ever be righted.  But my hope is that people will listen to that primal urge for something more, something better.  Because we were made for so much more than using one another to get off.

This is especially true in a marriage.  Because then you have at least the assumption that sex is all of those things, the physical embodiment of marriage vows.  So when spouses lie to one another with the language of their bodies, in the context of daily interactions that either build up or tear down the wedding vows, the desecration of sex is that much more painful and has even greater consequences.

Is this any easier to follow, OP?
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