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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think my husband has a lot of responsibility for how I feel about my body.  He is literally the only person who sees me naked and the only person who can make explicit sexual comments about may body.  
If DH wasn’t constantly telling me that he likes my body, that he wants to see me wearing xyz, and that he likes one body part or another, then all of my thoughts about my body would be from inside my own head or from my mom.  And those are both terrible.  [/quote]

You really need to work on that voice in your head.[/quote]

I’m okay, really.  Terrible was probably a strong word to use.  But the reality is that I’m an overweight middle aged mom.  I’m not winning any beauty pageants.

It’s just that DH tells me something that he finds attractive about me pretty much every time I see him, so multiple times a day.  If I’m going to the gym, he will tell me that he likes my hair in a ponytail so my neck is exposed.  If I’m getting home from the gym, he will say that I look good all flushed like that.  If I’m in taking the kids to the pool in my middle aged mom tankini, he will say that my butt looks good.   If I go in my high waisted bikini, he will wolf whistle and ask if I need help putting sunscreen on.  Like touching the torso of his wife of twenty years is super hot and somewhat forbidden.

You might say that men can’t help their wives with body image issues, but they definitely can.   
[/quote]

I think I will be single for the foreseeable future if that's the bare minimum we need to do as men. Seriously why do you need me to keep telling you you are still beautiful and multiple times a day. Hey good for you though. Are all married men like this? Wow [/quote]

The ones who regularly get laid are. [/quote]

Meh.

I do not know any woman who needs this much attention from their husband.

I am mostly close to first and second generation American women though so maybe there is something in the water here.

Recent immigrants have accepted that men and women are not the same. They rely on their social network for a lot of support. They rely on men for some but not anything near as much as this thread is indicating.[/quote]

I certainly do. And unless these women are sleeping with their girlfriends, its doubtful theyre getting their fill of sexual desire from them.[/quote]

Different strokes I guess.

You can get self esteem boost from people other than your spouse. You don't need your spouse telling you are beautiful all the time if other people do. You need it sometimes, sure. But not every day.

[/quote]

The day a woman starts getting sexual fulfillment and her sexual desire needs filled by someone else, is the beginning of the end of the marriage. And certainly not a day when you will be able to expect enthusiastic sex from her (unless she's fantasizing about the other person the whole time) [/quote]

You assume that the person giving you sexual fulfillment has to be responsible for your self esteem. I don't. And most of the women I know don't.

[/quote]

Yes, the person who gives your sexual "juice" (feelings of desire and being desired) is the person you want to have sex. That's why women often have affairs that start with emotional connection, and then it rolls into sex as well. [/quote]

I get what you are saying but I dont completely agree.  Emotional affairs start well before "sexual juice" happens. Usually people who carry emotional affairs are not necessarily looking for sex or the feelings of being desired. They want to feel heard. These two needs are separate.

When people have crushes at work, its not because their co workers sexually desires them. It's because these people engage with them.

So if your argument is that men have to engage in frequeng discussions with their spouses, I agree. But they don't necessarily have to give them daily compliments on their beauty and sexual desireabilty. Nothing wrong with that, but it' not necessary in most other cultures. [/quote]

LOL. Emotional affairs and sexual "juice" happens at the exact same time. Women can read men's faces, and desire is often one of the most visible male emotions. When that male coworker or friend is staring at her body, or looking at her across the room with lust... that's the juice flowing. When he says how beautiful she is, how gorgeous she is in that dress, how lucky her husband is, etc... that's the juice. It's a flow and a buildup and a process, and the emotional connection and the male desire flowing into her and unleashing her own desire is a huge part. But many men will never get this which is why a handful of charismatic, sexually confident men corner the market and the rest of y'all just whine and complain and jerk off alone.[/quote]

So you think all these women with work crushes have these crushes because men at work tell them they are beautiful or look at them with sexual desire? You are completely wrong. Lol[/quote]

Absolutely. The crushes that actually lead to sex do[/quote]

Good that you narrowed it down to " crushes that lead to sex".

Most work crushes do not lead to sex. In most cases women are attracted to men who are being nice to everyone without any sexual intention. Many times these women are not the men's type but the men are decent humans who engage politely and attentively with everyone at work.  [/quote]

sure. Hence proving everyone's point- the guys who actually get laid are the ones who show their sexual desire to a woman. You seem clueless with women[/quote]

Yeah. I am clueless about women like you who are intentionally obtuse.

Let me try one more time: Women have work crushes on men who show them no sexual desire and men who may not even sexually desire them. Do you know that crushes include sexual desire?

So women have sexual feelings/ desire/ crushes towards men they work with even when these men show no sexual desire towards them. Because these women's sexual desire is not necessarily tied to men constantly telling them or making them feel they are beautiful/sexually desirable.

Your argument then that women need daily beauty affirmations from a man to want to have sex with him falls flat in the face of most work crushes. Those affirmations are usually absent, yet women sexually desire those co workers.

[/quote]

Let me explain this because YOURE too obtuse to understand (same reason you cant get laid):
Yes, women can experience spontaneous sexual attraction towards men. But what differentiates a crush from actually getting SEX is how these men speak to them, how they escalate and move things along. And that's almost certainly from expressing desire. As women have told you over and over again.... this is what gets the female libido flowing towards sex. For whatever reason, you are committed to not understanding, which is why other men get to have sex and you dont.[/quote]

Lol. What distinguishes crushes from actually getting action from a married woman is a woman and a man with low self esteem and questionable morals. Its not a win.

I am a woman who regularly has crushes on men. The moment they send any signals my way, I am healed of the crush. Who wants to sleep with a man vying for a married woman. Eewww. [/quote]

Crushes are not intrinsically moral things. People have crushes based on physical attractiveness, and often nothing happens. But a huge proportion of sexual relationships, affairs or otherwise, happen as a result of the woman experiencing the man's overwhelming desire and attraction for her.  It's intoxicating[/quote]

Sexual affairs happen because someone expresses direct sexual interest. News at  11. Big deal.

Attraction and interest is not necessarily the result of direct expression of sexual interest. [/quote]

Youre finally starting to get it... eureka! Yes, when men express sexual longing and desire for women, it often turns the woman on and leads to sex.

Now... was that so hard to concede?[/quote]

That is a different poster. I am the PP you've been going back and forth with. I don't think they are agreeing with you though. Lol
[/quote]

They were, whether that was their intention or not being a totally different story  :lol:  But they did prove the point quite nicely. [/quote]

I’m the poster, and a woman. And I disagreed with you. Attraction has many more components than just direct sexual expression. And as a PP above said, direct sexual expression can be a turn off in some circumstances.

This discussion lost the plot along the way somewhere and just turned into a dumb fight. Yes, a man can do things to make his partner more interested. But putting as much responsibility for it on the man, as you have been, is self defeating. [/quote]

It didnt lose the plot, although you might've. Women on this thread have been saying, from the beginning, that they get turned on by their male partner expressing desire and if husbands want to get laid, they should show desire for their wife. The lazy husbands of DCUM have been whining about it, and then you came in to white night for them but accidentally took our side. Thank you![/quote]

I am a PP who has been debating before this PP you are responding  to came in. Sorry to disappoint you, but I am a woman.

I am the woman who has crushes left and right. These have nothing to do with men's desire for me. Quite the opposite. Decency in character and some charm turns me on. A man does not have to think I am beautiful or sexually desirable in order for me to crush on him.

I am sexually attracted to my DH because he is a decent guy, a great father to my kids and he is tall and bow-legged with a deep voice. He does not need to constantly  tell me I am beautiful or sexually desirable  because I know I am (not really beautiful by objective standards but who cares - it's my appearance and I like it) And even if I thought I wasn't, that wouldn't stop me from wanting to have sex because ugly people have sex, get married and live happy lives.

What turns me and most women I know off is meaness, lack of empathy and lack of emotional connection. Perhaps for some women, not telling them they are beautiful or sexy is a symptom that their husband is not emotionally connected to them. Or perhaps women are not a monolith and we need different things to be interested.

[/quote]

So you admit to not being conventionally attractive then say that you develop crushes without the men reciprocating... okay? I mean of course some unattractive women are not going to experience the magnetic allure of a man being deeply, lustfully, overwhelmingly drawn to you. That doesnt make it any less intoxicating. Maybe if you got more male attention you'd understand... [/quote]

So is the problem that you married someone who has lost the "magnetic allure" for you or did you marry someone who never had it for you?

To be honest, that magnetic allure sounds like lust that everyone experiences at the begining of relationships.

[/quote]

No, I have a DH who is very attracted to me and makes it known how sexy he finds me. But then again, he had lots of success with women before he met me and isn't a clueless bozo who had to settle for a "conventionally unattractive" woman (like your husband). He knows exactly how to talk to women, how to communicate how sexy he finds me, and that's exactly why we have an active sex life. But the whining, loser men on this board are the exact opposite and deserve to be called out [/quote]

Dont be quick to make assumptions.

I was conventionally attractive when I married. I went from size 4 to size 12. I could look much better if I were a size 6, but I like what I see when I look into the mirror every day. I love mirrors! I have the most beautiful red full lips, a great laugh, a beautiful body, long legs, and a wonderful life. I don't have to be told I am beautiful daily. I can see it, and I feel beautiful and sexy. [b]Ofcourse every woman wants to hear their husband say they are beautiful and sexy. [/b]Mine does, but he does not say it everyday. He never has, not even when I was conventionally attractive.

I am surrounded by many conventionally attractive women who don't need daily assurances that they are beautiful and sexy,  so I don't think being conventionally attractive is the main issue here. But hey, if thinking so makes you have better sex with your husband, good for you and good for him!

What happens when you are no longer conventionally attractive? What happens when you are older and wrinkly. No more sex?

[/quote]

My wife is middle age and overweight.  I am strictly prohibited from talking about her body/looks.[/quote]

Tell her something you find sexy about her anyway.  What’s the worst that can happen?[/quote]

This is the way!  Compliment her on something non-body related.  Eyes, smile, hair, outfit, etc.  I’ll get roasted for this but I wouldn’t feel comfortable complimenting her body when she’s over weight.  If she’s been working out and making progress absolutely call it out and complement her hard work. [/quote]

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