Reply to Advice from Parents of *Minority Students*

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We are a black family. In terms of support, outcome, etc. You are going to have to bake in the cake that there is going to be racism. All of my kids scored btw 1450-1580 on the SAT and were above a 4.3 GPA. All of them were well in the window of what someone would need to get in where they applied. All of them were seriously, seriously discouraged from applying to highly selective schools. We took over the process for our oldest and here's out it shook out.

DD1. Went to a 7 sisters college. Attended medical school after doing peace corps. Is (still) in her medical training.

DD2. Went to UVA. Landed the Jefferson DESPITE terrible recommendations. We weren't planning on her attending but the money was good and UVA had the program she wanted. Finishing up a PhD program in the social sciences on the west coast.

DD3. Went to Chicago. Went into banking. Got a fun MBA. Went back to finance and hates it and wants to do something else, but isn't sure what.

DD4 at an IVY.

All of these kids were actively discouraged. I've had parents say some out and out hateful things, disparaging their hard work. It is what it is. People use racism as a way to screw people and get a financially higher up on the ladder. It is ALWAYS about money and resources. I did time in biglaw and it was horrendous and racist and terrible. Went to DOJ where things were awesome until recently. Working in house and it's fine. DH is a PA and he's able to just quit if his environment is terrible. We both know what it's like to move in this country. It's just awful, but if you want resources, a good life, etc. you just keep moving.[/quote]

Thank-you[/quote]

You're welcome.

The biggest advice I can share is to work very, very hard to protect your children's self-esteem. There are so many negative messages, negative people, hatefulness, etc. They will need to persist through this and excel. That's a hard (and lonely) road.

The biggest relief for me was that boys were a non-factor for all of them during high school. They had friends and did sports and activities. They volunteered and we did a lot with our faith community (Bahai) that aligned with service, community care, etc. I kept those girls busy busy, but I think it was the right call. I also supplemented at home. Make them study for the tests, look over what they didn't understand -- don't be afraid -- and work on those things. Foster their interests

And talk money. A lot. Explain how investing work, salaries, retirement, etc. We are retiring soon and a big thing was back in my 20's when Suze Orman was on random TV shows like Oprah that triggered my own realization that I needed more than money. I needed investments to have the life I wanted.

Also, you will be iced out by parents. I lost a lot of friends whose kids were pushing hateful, racist BS. They didn't want to address the issues, so the years of elementary PTA work to make friends was for nothing, lol. [/quote]

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