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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]threatens, frustration, dithering, furious, embarrass ...  language is too strong.
Each spouse can come/go as they like. They should just do it, drama free

I have friends, a couple, who drive to the airport separately. One likes to cut-it-close re:arrival. One gets stressed. So they drive 2 cars. If the late one misses the flight, the other still gets to go. NO DRAMA[/quote]

Surely you can see that won't work for dinner reservations?  [/quote]

I posted earlier that my husband is often late.  He’s a surgeon and sometimes cases go late.  
It’s fine for dinner reservations.  I just order his food when everyone orders, and he shows up when he shows up.    
  
[/quote]

Sigh.  And surely you can see that it is different when someone is unavoidably detained by professional obligations, as opposed to Spouse B, who can't get off his or her butt to be on time, and just doesn't care?

Apparently, your husband is the brains in your relationship.  I hope you're good looking, or independently wealthy.  [/quote]

Okay.  I’m an idiot.  
Why is it that it will work to be drama free if your spouse is at work, but you must threaten them at home and embarrass them in front of your dinner companions if your spouse is “on their butt?”

It seems to me that you could be all drama or no drama in either situation.  You could choose see the situation as avoidable or unavoidable in any context.  You could absolutely be pissed at your surgeon spouse for tacking on a case at the end of the day or scheduling a big case on a day that she knows you have dinner reservations with your work colleagues.  She wouldn’t do that if your kid was the lead in a school play that night.
And you could absolutely see your spouse’s lateness as an unavoidable part of their personality given their cultural upbringing and the way they are other areas of their life.

The way I see it, whether you see your spouse’s behavior as “avoidable” or “unavoidable” is all in how you think about it.  You can choose to have thoughts that make you angry and lead to threatening your spouse and ruining your evening.  Or you can choose to have thoughts that make you more accepting of other people, happier, and more likely to have a pleasant evening and overall happy home.

It is totally possible to just go to dinner, meet your spouse there, and not threaten or embarrass them.  The context does not matter.

[/quote]

DP. I can tell you’re in to dramatization because you keep doubling down, and you’re making up a narrative that wasn’t included in the OP. It didn’t say he embarrassed her. No behavior is “unavoidable.” We’re not Pavlovian dogs, that’s just excuse making. If someone told spouse b she’d get $1M if she showed up on time for a year, I guarantee she’d be on time. [/quote]

Exactly. I bet you she shows up to work on time despite her cultural differences because she knows there will be consequences if she doesn't. This is no different. [/quote]

I have a friend who was always late for work and couldn't figure out why she never got a promotion. [/quote]

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