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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you think this is limited to the 1% you have blinkers on. [/quote]

True but the point is it’s most insane for the 1%ers. [/quote]

NO. It is easier for 1%. The degree to which it is "most insane" is entirely a dynamic they magic out of their own neuroses and has absolutely ZERO to do with actual limitations on their options.

The 1%ers who choose to go the route of massive donations or spending enormous sums on private school/test prep/college advising/etc. in order to guarantee their kids entry into one of a very narrow range of schools are just being stupid. That's it. It's a stupid game akin to the billionaires who compete over who has the biggest yacht. Only worse because in this scenario their children are the yachts and their educations are being used in a d*ck-measuring contest. Gross. But not actually that hard to opt out of. Just don't.[/quote]

We are in the top 1% or .5%. I grew up as a poor immigrant kid. I was equally focused, if not more, than my current high school student. Education was my ticket out of poverty. There was no back up plan. My rich kid can go to any school and will probably do fine.

Ambition and striving are popular to put down on DCUM. I wonder if this is what non ambitious say. I hear this in real life from adults who come from family money, but are unimpressive themselves or have unimpressive children. They call the achieving people strivers and look down on them.

I am proud of my achievements. I am proud of my children’s achievements. [/quote]

No one has an issue with achievement. They have issues with the [b]borderline mental breakdown-level of obsession with getting into certain institutions [/b]because those institutions are “elite” and convey “status.” And with the lack of perspective, especially amongst the parents who should know better, to understand that there are many, many successful people who didn’t go that route. Because ultimately it is just one small piece of the puzzle.[/quote]

How do you know someone is having breakdown level obsession around getting into certain institutions? Honestly, it just reads like your own kids are not competitive, you gave up, some other parents and kids are still in the running and that equals mental breakdown. Nobody is breaking down about not getting into Harvard, ok. They will be upset for a few days if they expected it, then they will move on.[/quote]

OP here. I posted this because I know a family literally claiming to be in crisis and falling apart over a kid who appears to be headed for a state college. [/quote]

It’s in the moment.  We all have dumb things we obsess over.  Like you are mad at yourself for not getting a workout in.  End of the world?  No.  But it can affect both your mood and your sense of self in the moment.

People who can worry about getting their kids into a T20 school seriously don’t have much to think about in the grand scheme of things.  It’s natural for them to find something to hyper fixate on.   Especially if you have the type of personality that has made you somewhat successful in life - that’s just how you process stuff.  It’s fine. [/quote]

it’s not actually fine though. It’s a horrible example for their kids, and it’s truly alienating for the less privileged who have to hear the ENDLESS WHINING[/quote]

By that you mean the kids who didn't study as hard or didn't have supportive educational environments at home?[/quote]

less access to money, to the “best” schools, SN involved … it runs the gamut. and to a certain extent yes, aptitude. The insane parents who can’t realize that in fact their kid is smart and hardworking and will be fine are annoying. [/quote]

Ok I think I get what the pp is saying. I have the high stat kid who wants to attend a T10 school. If another parent has a kid who has UVA or VT as their top choice and my kid is already in or doesn’t seem happy about it, I can see it coming off as obnoxious, smug and/or annoying.

I have a younger kid who just started to play basketball. He did not make a competitive team last year. When other parents would talk about which team their kid passed up or suggest a team that sucks when my kid tried out for that team and didn’t get selected, I thought the parents were obnoxious and annoying.

It is more about your own child’s inadequacies. If your kid is an average student and you can’t pay for private college at 90k per year, that doesnt necessarily mean the kid who is valedictorian and either has rich parents who can full pay to Stanford should not try everything in their power to get their kid into Stanford or Princeton bc that kid’s potential may be greater.[/quote]

No you’re still not getting it. Obviously you shouldn’t brag about your kid’s Ivy chances when you know the other family’s kid won’t get that close. If you actually had to be told that you’re even further behind on perspective and social skills than I thought.

no, the point is, your kid aiming for the T10 is going to be fine wherever they end up. because they are smart and focused and especially if you also make 7 figures. so acting like it’s the only possible successful outcome is venal, annoying, and shallow. [/quote]

Add me to those "not getting it" then. I agree with PP, it is tough when people brag, but if it is a friend who has a kid who has a realistic shot at T10/ivy and the parent is super nervous it won't work out, what is so hard about supporting that friend in their worry, whether or not there are other colleges that are "fine" and the kid will be "fine" at UVA or some other non-T10. Of course they will, and the friend will come to accept it if that happens, but of course they also want the best option for their kid. There can be strong fit preferences and favorites that all happen to be in that T10-15 type range. The undergrad size/peer quality/class size/availability of grad level courses as early as sophomore year does not necessarily exist in the "perfect" mix at other places. Just like if I had a friend who really wanted a northeast LAC with a specific peer mix: they would be "fine" at W&L but would be disappointed, understandably, if the top 5 in the NE did not work out. I have and will continue to support friends as they worry their kid will be disappointed or not find their people at schools not in their preferred group, whatever that is for that student. Students are most successful where they think they fit and that is different for all. For the kid who is sure the top schools are best for them, and maybe they are right, of course there is risk of huge disappointment given how hard acceptance is. 
Why precisely does it make you so angry to have other parents very stressed over the college process? What about it makes it so hard for you to support a friend in their worry? Is it that you think they have $ privilege and that annoys you(many of my friends who did worry then kids got in to ivies are not rich at all by the way, and get some aid)? Is it that you think the kid does not deserve it(in my experience the students that clearly do not because they are rude or cheated often do not get in)? Or is it really that you just do not understand fit as a real issue? Sure you can make as much money from a lesser school, and can get into med or law from many schools. That is not often the point of these worried parents: they worry about fit for their kids, knowing that their kid will likely do best in a specific kind of environment. None that I have commiserated with have every mentioned being concerned Larlo will not make the same $.[/quote]

Oh come on now. If your “good friend” is going on and on about how worried they are Larlo may be forced to settle for UVA, and meanwhile your kid’s best shot is GMU, that’s not going to be pleasant for long. Cheering your friend on when their kid gets into an Ivy? sure. But that’s very different from having to endure someone suggesting that the types of schools your kid is considering are the dregs of higher ed. [/quote]

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