Reply to What should college dc be told about our divorce? DH is cheating and leaving to pursue a relationship with his mistress.

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Reply to "What should college dc be told about our divorce? DH is cheating and leaving to pursue a relationship with his mistress."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]I was in your DH’s position a year ago. I had felt dead for years, getting accolades all the time at work but my SAHM DW criticizing my efforts at home. [b]Finally I met someone better[/b] and told her that I was divorcing her.

But she couldn’t look at all she did to ruin our marriage. We told the kids we were divorcing and cried and whatever. But once she saw pictures my girlfriend and I took when she was my friend and I took her to Europe for a conference, she went off the deep end. [b]So I had to introduce my kids to my girlfriend so they could see she’s really cool[/b] and at her age understands my kids a lot better than my ex.

Now my ex refuses to build and maintain a friendship with us. It’s so selfish and immature. You’re supposed to make things as smooth as possible for the kids’ sake, but [b]yet again my ex’s selfishness rules[/b].[/quote]

MD here. You have a personality disorder.

You stepped out of your marriage, and blamed your wife's criticisms at home for it, so you could start a relationship with a subordinate at work. You casually label her as "better" than your child's mother.

You blame having to introduce your kids to your AP because your wife saw pictures of your child-free European trip.

You assign the entire series of events, including the rocky path forward, to your ex's selfishness.

You're lurking on a parenting board and unironically piping up with your story. You're likely a troll (I always wonder what people like that get out of these made-up posts). If not, you are truly a cautionary tale of a man.

[/quote]

OP here  and thanks for chiming in on this response - it resonates with me because it feels exactly like this narrative is exactly what my dh is spinning in his head despite the fact that I very much accept responsibility for my part in the demise of our marriage. I'm pretty clear about that. I can't control what my STBX thinks or says but I'm pretty certain it's going to read exactly like this post. Note I haven't trashed my ex even here. I think his having an affair is a really lame way to get out of a 30 year relationship. My only true wish is that he could have used his voice to have a hard conversation with me before he used his libido to say "we're in a danger zone." Reading this response made me feel like I was sitting in my living room with dh last week when all the fingers were pointed at me and if I can be honest, I'm rolling my eyes. I can point all those fingers directly at myself and I know that. But for whatever reason, I was given the strength not to start pointing fingers right back at him and freaking out. I've been doing a meditation these last several days, the crux of which is "Do you want peace or do you want to be right?" I want peace and I want to get through this and out of it without turning into that person this responder and my dh so desperately want me to turn into. I'm not here for that.  I am super super grateful for so many of you who have posted great advice, harsh realities etc etc. I choose peace. For myself. The last years have been very, very difficult and at least I have an answer now, that my life is moving forward in a way I didn't expect. But here we are. These attacks really don't sting because they aren't about me.  I know who I am, good and bad.[/quote]

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