Reply to Would you move in without a ring?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. We have discussed timelines and wants throughout our entire relationship. We became pretty serious at 6 months and he brought up marriage. He said I love you for the first time and told me he was in love with me. At 1 year, he brought up marriage again. He told me flat out that he wants to marry me and build a life together and needed to know I was on the same page. We discussed moving in together this month. We both own our own condos and I will be moving in to his. My plan is to rent it out mine until I feel it’s right to sell. I do think a ring is in the near future. When discussing engagement, he said that it will happen when it happens and that moving in together and seeing how we cohabit is the next best step. [/quote]
That sounds promising! Good idea to keep your condo and rent it out, if things go south you always have that to rely on. [/quote]

This is exactly the point many of us are making as to why this is a bad deal for OP and the boyfriend too.

They both go into this with an escape clause. If it "doesn't work out" we turn tail and run. That is NOT a good formula for success in setting up a marriage. And why shacking up does not provide a true picture of what a committed relationship looks like.[/quote]
I don't see the downside. I really fail to understand how a piece of jewellery means literally anything. If you want to argue that you should wait until marriage, that's one thing. But even then, you're just jumping in blind. There is always an escape clause, in everything we do. [/quote]

It’s not the jewelry it’s the engagement, a public announcement of your intention to marry each other.  Why move in before that step, disrupting your life and finances, just to risk that he isn’t actually prepared to get engaged to you?  Rather he makes that commitment to you now before you leave your condo.  Otherwise, just continue to date until he is sure, and enjoy your condo.[/quote]
Some people are engaged for years though. Some never make it to the altar. Engagement is not legally protected, it's really just performative. 
There are many reasons to move in before that, you don't have to like or agree with other peoples choices. I loved living with my then bf, now dh. [/quote]
This isn’t about judgment, it’s about PP pretending this is about jewelry.  It’s not.  It’s about engagement, a commitment to marriage.  Silly to pretend OP is asking about jewelry.  [/quote]
The engagement ring is literally just a piece of jewellery. That ring means nothing until a marriage license is signed. How can you say that a few flowery words are more commitment than sharing your life together? Which is actually a commitment? [/quote]

You are still making it about a ring.  An engagement does not mean “nothing until a marriage license is signed.”  It’s a public announcement to friends and family that you are getting married and starts the process of wedding planning.  Total BS that it means nothing.[/quote]
I'm not making it just about the ring. I'm saying that a "public announcement" means nothing. You can announce whatever you want , at the top of your lungs, until the cows come home. You are saying words are more important than actions. Ie announcement. I am saying actions are more important. Announcing an engagement doesnt mean shit, it's not legally protected, and I dont understand why it's a sticking point for situations like this. People can get engaged and break up. People can get engaged and then drag their feet. People can get engaged and never get married. Engagement itself doesnt mean very much. Engagement is just the go-between between dating and the legal protections of marriage. Engagement is no more than dating with a ring OR an announcement. All you're doing is planning a party.  [/quote]

One hundred percent no.  An engagement in this society is not nothing.  It’s not easy socially, and once you have started to make purchases deposits for a wedding, financially, to end one.  It’s painful and something people try to avoid in a way that a normal breakup just isn’t.  No one who gets engaged is excited because they are “planning a PARTY”.  It’s because their significant other has made an announcement and a promise to get MARRIED.[/quote]
I didn't say anyone is getting engaged [i]because[/i] they are planning a party, but that [i]is[/i] the functional purpose. You specifically mentioned wedding planning, which is why I reference planning a party. To actually get married is incredibly simple, you go down to the courthouse and sign some papers. The wedding youre talking about planning is just a party. I don't know anyone who started planning the day after they got engaged. Normally it takes a few months to settle in, decide on guest lists, get a rough budget. No deposits put down until you finalize vendors, which is not right away. It's still incredibly easy to end. No divorce, no lawyers, no government.

[/quote]

No, it isn’t.  The functional purpose of an engagement is not to plan a party.  It’s to get married.  It’s harder to break up an engagement socially and financially.  A broken engagement is shocking.  A couple breaking up happens all the time.[/quote]

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