Reply to Do women expect a ring at 1 year?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I hope you and your girlfriend work out and make the best decision for you both. But you do seem to be on some kind of odd moral high horse. Everyone else you know seems to have done it “wrong” but you’ve convinced yourself you’re doing it all right. It reeks of insecurity and you might want to address that in either individual or joint therapy. In order to get married and have kids, you’ll have to learn to compromise - a LOT - and think outside of yourself.

You are also 35 and far too worried about what your family and others think. Who cares what anyone else besides the two of you think? You’re fully functional adults. [/quote]

OP here. I never said others have done it wrong. I actually look up to parents marriage. All of my extended family are in happy longterm marriages. I want that for myself, my wife, and my kids. [/quote]
I’d bet good money that none of your happily married parents and extended family had a 10/10 woman hanging around waiting until they were 38 with 6 figures liquid cash and whatever else you think you need first. They just did it. Perhaps you should consider the wisdom of their experience over your own imagination since, you know, they have achieved what you want and you have accomplished nothing so far? [/quote]

OP here. I wouldn’t say I have accomplished nothing. I make great money and have enough to buy a really nice ring ( the one I’ve looked at is $22k), pay for the wedding and honeymoon, put down a hefty down payment on a home in the millions, pay off her student loan debt, and have her quit working or fund childcare expenses. I wouldn’t say that’s nothing. [/quote]

Why do you have to pay for everything?  She’s working and wants a career.  You act that she is a poor orphan in need of rescuing. [/quote]

OP here. She doesn’t don’t make a lot of money. I want to provide these things for her. It’s important to me that she’s feels taken care of, comfortable, and safe. [/quote]

Is it important to her?  What if she doesn’t want to quit working or have children right away?[/quote]

OP here. I don’t care if she works. I want to give her the option not to work or not to work as much once kids come, or take extended mat leave.

She said she wants kids but not until 30. She’s thinking first kid at 31/32. She had said she wants 2-3 kids ( likely only 2) back to back and by 35. She is close in age with her 2 siblings an wants them all to be a 1-1.5 years apart. [/quote]

You need to start thinking empathetically from her point of view. If you care about her at all, you would do this. If you ultimately do not propose, you are completely blowing this timeline for her. Right now she is carrying all the risk. It sounds like she either hasn't fully considered how her timeline would be affected if you wait to propose (potentially because doing so is painful), or she has but doesn't want to tell you, as before a year, she would risk seeming a little too hurried. I would plan to make significant plans to move in at a year I'd you haven't and propose within 6 months after that. Any longer, and she'll probably wise up and it won't be enjoyable anymore, just relief. If you can't commit to this, I would consider cutting her loose now if you care about her to give her one more shot at her timeline. Because that's what she'll have, one. But only if she can find someone who doesn't drag his feet as much as you.[/quote]

+1  Although honestly reading OP’s responses I kind of hope his girlfriend breaks up with him before he gets his act together.  It sounds like she can do better.[/quote]

It is always always about the woman's timeline. Once you sign up for it and have kids, she will file for divorce because suddenly oops you don't help around, you don't plan, you don't want sex, you don't have hobbies..
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